


I Just Want To Be Someone

by AllTimePhan73



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, M/M, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-10-12 08:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 31,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17464295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: Lance meets a boy online who understands him more than anybody else he knew. They just feelcomfortablewith each other... He makes Lance feel valid but how much can a boy online really help? Isn't having someone physically beside you more important?TW: Lance has ADHD (I don't think this is a trigger but just in case), suicide attempt, Lance's parents are kind of shitty, a bit of homophobia. WATCH THIS SPACE BECAUSE MORE TRIGGER WARNINGS MAY BE ADDED AFTER I FINISH EDITING.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome to my new book! I just want to say that I'm only uploading this so that AO3 doesn't delete all my drafts haha.
> 
> I won't be adding a second chapter for a while as most of my focus will be on my other book, Citrus. I will update it eventually though! I promise :)

Sharpshooter01: hi I really need to vent to a stranger right now and your tumblr bio says that you don't mind listening to people vent

RedLion2000: Yeah. Go ahead!

Sharpshooter01: Just... everything's kind of shit right now. My mum and dad are always working so I need to look after all my siblings. I hardly ever go out because of that. My friends tell me I'm annoying and loud. I know it's a joke but I can't help but take it personally, you know? And, to top it off, I'm failing most of my classes and at this rate I'm going to get kicked out and my parents are going to disown me.

RedLion2000: Gosh.. that's a lot

RedLion2000: I assume you're the oldest if you babysit. I suggest maybe speaking to your parents. You should also speak to your friends and tell them you don't find the 'jokes' very funny. If they're good friends, they will understand. You won't get kicked out if you study. Talk to your teachers about finding extra work or something. And if your parents really love you, they will not disown you

Sharpshooter01: I don't know... at this point I've given up on it all

RedLion2000: don't give up

Sharpshooter2000: Give me one reason not to

RedLion2000: I could probably give you like... more than 100.

Sharpshooter2000: Go on

RedLion2000: Well, for one, the world is a beautiful place where you can experience so much. If you give up, you won't be able to go on adventures either on your own or with someone you love

RedLion2000: You won't ever be able to eat your favourite food again

RedLion2000: Or have your favourite drink

RedLion2000: You won't be able to see your favourite person smile again

RedLion2000: You won't be able to hear your favourite bands' new music

Sharpshooter01: You can stop now

RedLion2000: Not until you tell me you won't give up

Sharpshooter01: Okay 

Sharpshooter01: But I need to go because I have an essay due tomorrow that I haven't started

RedLion2000: Okay. You may not know me but I'm always here to listen to you rant ^-^

Sharpshooter01: Thank you...

-

I ended up falling asleep at my desk, using my Geography book as a pillow. It wasn't the most comfortable object in the world but I was just so exhausted that it was sufficient for me. My phone was sat next to my head and was on a mere 5% because I had fallen asleep before I had the chance to put it on charge. I was in a wonderful dream world where I was an astronaut in a cool suit, flying through space with two weird aliens but then I heard a creak and my name being whispered. My eyes flickered open and I wearily stared at my mum who was standing in my doorway.

"Lance..." She whispered again and I groaned a little. My neck was stiff but I didn't want to move. I just wanted to fall back asleep and see the aliens again. "Honey?"

"Is it time for school already?" I murmured and she shook her head. 

"You should get into our bed or your neck is going to hurt in the morning." It already hurt but I really didn't want to get up. Reluctantly, I lifted my head up so it wasn't touching my book anymore.

"I have an essay..."

"You should have gotten it done sooner."

"Too late."

"Just get into bed, Lance." I cracked my neck as I stood up, trying my best to avoid my mum's gaze. I knew she didn't approve of me working so late but also didn't approve of me failing class. I had to do one or the other. I lifted up my blanket and slipped beneath it, practically melting into the soft mattress. Compared to a Geography book and a desk chair, it felt like heaven so, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.


	2. Chapter 2

I felt like a zombie as I walked into the common room at my school. It was empty apart from one boy sitting at the edge of the room with headphones on. His music was so loud that I could hear it from where I was sitting. I stopped for a moment and listened. Fall Out Boy. I sat down into my usual spot and pulled out the Geography work I had due first period. I was sure that what I was writing wasn't the best quality but I just had to get it done. I didn't care if it was completely illegible and off topic: I just needed to hand it in. I didn't have a single excuse for my procrastination and I was already failing the class. I couldn't risk getting kicked out of sixth form.

It was about ten minutes later that my friend entered the room and dropped into the seat beside me. "Hey, dude," He muttered and I simply nodded, continuing writing at such a speed that my handwriting wasn't anything but a messy scrawl. "You alright?"

"Yep. Can you just... leave me alone until I've finished this, yeah?" I murmured and Hunk, my best friend, let out a soft laugh. He leaned over and peered at my work but I'm sure he couldn't understand it.

"Lance? Not wanting to talk? Have you been replaced with someone else or something?"

I bit my lip, ignoring my friend. I was desperately trying to remain in the right mindset to do my geography and not start getting annoyed at my friend for some stupid insult that was meant to be taken as a joke and nothing more. I was concluding my essay and was so very close to the end. As soon as I had written the final word, I dropped my pen and let out a relieved laugh. I probably sounded like I belonged in a mental asylum but that wasn't important. What was important was that I was finally going to be able to hand a piece of homework in on time for the first time in something like a millennium.

"Dude, what drugs did you take this morning?" I turned to face Hunk who was watching me with an amused expression on his face. His eyebrows were raised high and he was smiling ever so gently.

"None. Well... I had a cup of coffee." I rarely ever ate breakfast because I couldn't stomach much in the mornings. I usually had a cup of coffee just to keep me going until break time at school when I could have a snack.

"Okay..." Before Hunk could ask any more questions, Pidge walked in the door with a wide grin on their face. They practically shoved the door open so that it slammed shut and echoed around the room. Pidge's real name was Katie but no one ever called them that; not even the teachers. No one really knew where the nickname had originated but everyone just went along with it.

"Guess what!" They yelled so loudly that the few people in the room turned to look at our small group. "Matt's coming home!" Pidge wasn't exactly one to project their emotions so much but you could definitely see their excitement. Their face was as bright as the sun and they were yet to sit down, just hovering over us and jumping up and down. I wasn't sure how someone could have so much energy so early in the morning.

"That's awesome!" Hunk replied at an equally loud volume. For once, I seemed like the quiet one.

Matt was Pidge's older brother. He was currently studying astrophysics at university and hardly ever came home because he lived in the other end of the country. Hunk jumped up onto his feet and engulfed our other friend into a long hug. I eventually joined in, squishing Pidge in between us. They were the smallest so I'm sure they were suffocating between me and Hunk but we left it at least 60 seconds before we parted. When we did, Pidge's eyes were glistening with tears. "Oh, Lance is on drugs by the way."

"I am not on drugs!" I exclaimed, making Hunk shake his head. I sent him a quick but extremely harsh glare.

"He totally is. He has hardly talked all morning."

"Dude, did you take coke again? You know what happened last time." It was Pidge's turn to receive a glare because of that smart, satisfied smile on their face.

"I never took cocaine and I haven't taken anything this morning. If you want me to start talking again then-"

"Hell no. Peace and quiet is nice every once in a while."

"Yeah, right because I'm annoying."

"The most annoying person on the planet." Hunk punched my shoulder lightly to remind me that it was only a joke. Despite being aware of this fact, my heart still dropped to the floor and I couldn't help the frown that formed on my face. Even if they were joking, I still knew they were right.


	3. Chapter 3

"Homework?" I glanced up at my Geography teacher and reached into my bag. I fumbled around for a minute or so until I pulled out a piece of paper that had gotten a bit creased beneath my books. I flattened it out with my hands before giving it to my teacher. Her eyebrows raised and she hid a smile as she took it. I was slightly offended at her shock but then I remembered that I literally never handed in work and, honestly, I was surprised too.

The teacher continued around the room until she had a pile of papers in her hands. She placed them down onto her desk and then began the lesson. I tried my hardest to pay attention but it was kind of hard when I didn't care about tourism or whatever we were learning about. I just balanced my head on my hands and stared out of the window into the playground.

It seemed kind of ominous. Fog lingered in the air, meaning the end of the field just fizzled out into the mist. The trees were swaying slightly in the wind and it seemed like the perfect scene to set a horror movie. I could almost imagine a doll sat on one of the swings that appeared to be swinging itself. Maybe a clown should stand on the middle of the grass with the fog enveloping them like a hug. The playground just looked so lonely and sad when it wasn't filled with hyper kids, running around and screaming their little heads off. I didn't realise I had completely zoned out until someone called my name. I tore my gaze away from the field and everyone, including the teacher, was staring in my direction.

"Yeah..?" I mumbled because I couldn't even begin to guess what she had been talking to me about. I heard a snicker from behind me but ignored it, red covering my cheeks.

"I asked you a question. You should really listen when I'm trying to teach you."

"Sorry, Miss..."

"See me after class."

I nodded slowly, picking up my pen for the first time in the lesson and starting to copy the notes that were on the board. Was it just a thing that no teachers could write? It was barely legible and even my writing was neater and that's saying something. My handwriting was horrendous.

The lesson passed much slower when I was actually doing work compared to when I was just imagining a horror movie. When the bell actually rang, my head perked up and I immediately started to shove my exercise book into my bag. I hoped to make a quick exit before the teacher saw me but I had to stop when she called my name. I had to avoid rolling my eyes as I stopped in my movements.

"Sit." She simply said. I reluctantly sat down at the front desk, trying my best to keep a straight face and not glare at her. "You really can't afford to daydream in class if you're failing... if this continues, you won't be able to get anything higher than an F in May." May was exam month and it sucked. To be honest, an F would still be a miracle to me.

"An F is better than an ungraded." I muttered beneath my breath. She wasn't meant to hear but apparently she did because she sighed a little too dramatically.

"An F is still a fail, Lance. An F won't get you into university." It was wonderful how she assumed everyone wanted to get into university- not that any job would accept me with so many fails.

"I know..." I glanced down at the table just so I didn't have to look at her disappointed face any longer. "I'm an idiot, I get it. I don't need to be reminded." I got reminded enough by the sarcastic remarks from my friends and then the serious insults from my parents.

"Lance, you are not an idiot. You... just struggle to concentrate and I can see that. I think I'm going to call your parents in so we can have a chat about it."

My eyes widened and I rapidly shook my head. "Please don't bring them into this. I'll try to concentrate, I promise." My voice was full of pathetic desperation. My parents already knew I was failing and they didn't like it. They wanted me to be one of the top students but I was just sat at the bottom, the worst in nearly all of my classes.

"I think it's more than you just having an active imagination," She leaned forward and that look she gave me. It almost looked like sympathy. I did not need her sympathy. "I think you may have ADHD."

"ADHD?" My eyebrows furrowed as I searched her face for any signs she was joking. Surely, if I had ADHD, someone would have noticed by this point? I leant back in my chair and let out a long breath of air.

"Do you know what that is?"

"Of course I do." It was Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I suppose it would explain a lot about me but I didn't want to have a mental disorder plastered on me. What would my parents think then? I was an idiot, as well as some head case. **(Note: these are Lance's thoughts not mine. Having ADHD doesn't class you as 'insane')**

"No... uh, I- I have class. I should go." I then shot out of the classroom before my teacher could even think about calling me back. I didn't think I would go to my next class but I just needed any form of excuse to get me out of that classroom. I made it to the boys' toilets at the end of the corridor before I broke down. I hid in a cubicle and sat down on the closed toilet seat, burying my head into my hands. I started to cry to no one but myself, my sobs echoing around the empty toilets. I knew it was unlikely that I'd be bothered because it was lesson time so I didn't bother trying to be quiet.

My parents were going to hate me. In their eyes I was already a failure and their most useless kid so I couldn't even begin to imagine how much they were going to hate me once they found out I could have ADHD. A shiver ran up my spine at the thought as I continued to sob like a baby.

I felt for my phone in my pocket and switched it on with shaky hands. Of course there weren't any messages waiting for me but I opened up the messaging app I used to talk to RedLion2000 and I started to type. I didn't care that he was a stranger: I just needed someone to talk to. He had cheered me up once before and I was sure he'd be able to help again.

Sharpshooter01: I'm so useless...

Sharpshooter01: I think my parents are going to disown me soon

RedLion2000: Kind of in class right now

Sharpshooter01: Oh right sorry

RedLion2000: Talk to me anyway

Sharpshooter01: One of my teachers think I have ADHD and they want to talk to my parents about it. If they find out, they're going to think I'm even more of a failure. I'm already the disappointment of my family.

RedLion2000: They shouldn't think of you as a failure though. It isn't your fault?

Sharpshooter01: Tell them that haha

Sharpshooter01: I'm already enough of a failure to them. Me having some stupid disorder is going to make me seem even more useless

RedLion2000: Having ADHD doesn't make you useless or stupid. It isn't your fault

Sharpshooter01: I really don't want to have to do this anymore

Sharpshooter01: Wouldn't it just be easier for my family if I don't put them through all the hassle of getting me diagnosed?

RedLion2000: Maybe in the short term but it might be helpful in the long term. Don't people with ADHD get meds or whatever? They might help you concentrate and get better grades and stuff

Sharpshooter01: At this point I don't care

RedLion2000: What are you doing right now?

Sharpshooter01: Crying in the boys' toilets at my school as you do

RedLion2000: Oh. Don't you have class?

Sharpshooter01: I'm skipping

RedLion2000: You should get to class. Who knows it might even distract you a bit

Sharpshooter01: Fine...

RedLion2000: This isn't your fault, Sharpshooter. Everything is going to end up okay and you can get through this, alright?

Sharpshooter01: Thanks, RedLion


	4. Chapter 4

Hunk eyed me as I walked into my English class. I headed straight up to the desk where my teacher was sitting, marking some work. “I’m really sorry for being late,” I muttered, earning a thin eyed glare from him. “I was speaking to my geography teacher.”

“Take a worksheet and sit down.” I nodded, taking a piece of paper from his desk and turning around to face the class. I sat down at my desk near the back and beside Hunk but I knew I wasn’t going to get much work done. My mind was elsewhere, in a whole different world. I got as far as writing my name before I turned to stare at the wall.

I could feel Hunk’s gaze burning into the side of my head but I ignored it. My right hand was drumming a tiny beat against the table whilst my head was whirring. I couldn’t stop trying to imagine the things my parents were going to say to me when they realised I was even more fucked up than they first thought.

-

RedLion2000: Hey, you alright?

Sharpshooter01: I’ve been better, you?

RedLion2000: I’m okay. What are you up to?

Sharpshooter01: Looking after my siblings

RedLion2000: Sounds like fun... I’m just watching TV and doing my physics homework

Sharpshooter01: Nice

Sharpshooter01: fhrhrohfnaesiye

RedLion2000: ??

Sharpshooter01: Sorry my sister took my phone -.-

RedLion2000: Hi Sharpshooter’s sister!! What’s your name?

Sharpshooter01: Her name is Veronica and she’s the most annoying person on the planet

Sharpshooter01: Ugh and my brother keeps asking me if I’m texting my girlfriend

RedLion2000: Aw... you have a girlfriend?

Sharpshooter01: No and he knows that :/

RedLion2000: What’s your brother’s name?

Sharpshooter01: Marco. Do you have any siblings?

RedLion2000: No... I don’t have any family really

Sharpshooter01: You don’t? What are your parents like?

RedLion2000: My mum walked out on me when I was seven and my dad died

Sharpshooter01: Gosh... I’m so sorry

Sharpshooter01: I can’t imagine not having parents. Even if mine are the worst

RedLion2000: It’s okay. That was a long time ago. I’m living with a foster family now and they’re pretty cool. I guess that technically means I have a brother

Sharpshooter01: What’s his name?

RedLion2000: Shiro

Sharpshooter01: That’s a cool name

RedLion2000: I guess haha

Sharpshooter01: I just realised I don’t know your name?

RedLion2000: You can call me Red

Sharpshooter01: I’m Lance :D

Sharpshooter01: I should probably go cook dinner before me and my siblings starve to death so talk later?

RedLion2000: Of course ^-^ Enjoy!

-

I glanced at the envelope sitting on the table with my school logo in the top corner and felt like I was going to puke. It had been torn open by presumably one of my parents but the paper was still inside. I pulled it out with quivering hands and knew I was going to get in a lot of trouble.

I was below my target in every single one of my subjects and my highest grade was an F. I turned around and my parents were standing in the doorway, doing the typical ‘angry parent’ stance: folded arms, stern expression. “Lance, how is it even possible to fail everything? What do you do? Sit in class for no reason?” My dad said. I knew the only reason he wasn’t raising his voice and screaming at the top of his lungs was because Luis, Veronica and Marco were upstairs.

“I do try. I just- I struggle to concentrate...” I admitted in a small whisper.

My dad let out a loud laugh with his head thrown back. It was very clearly forced and harsh. I felt as tiny as an ant as he stood as tall as a skyscraper above me. “You’re such a failure. Why do you even bother?”

‘ _Just you wait_ ,’ I wanted to say. ‘ _It gets even worse. I might have ADHD too_.’ I kept my anger at bay and, instead, murmured, “Just shut up...”

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said shut up,” There was no holding back once the floodgates had opened up. “I know I’m a failure; you don’t need to remind me! I try so hard but my results are always terrible. I’m your stupidest kid and Veronica’s five. I get it. You hate me!”

“Honey, we don’t hate you. We just want what’s best for you.” My mum stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shook it off, ignoring her furrowed eyebrows. I definitely received the message from them: good grades held more importance than anything else.

“I need to be alone.” I didn’t care if I was being rude and overreacting because I really did need to be alone. I needed to think.

-

Sharpshooter01: Fuck school. Let’s drop out and move to Antarctica and live with the penguins

RedLion2000: You alright?

Sharpshooter01: I got my report

Sharpshooter01: I failed EVERYTHING

RedLion2000: Oof... everything?

Sharpshooter01: I’m a failure haha. Anyways, how are you?

RedLion2000: I’m good. I got my report card too

Sharpshooter01: Let me guess... As across the board?

RedLion2000: ...maybe

Sharpshooter01: I can see you being a goodie two shoes

RedLion2000: I mean... I study a lot and don’t talk in class

Sharpshooter01: Goodie two shoes

RedLion2000: Are you quiet?

Sharpshooter01: Hell no

Sharpshooter01: In no situation am I quiet ;)

RedLion2000: Why did you use a winky face

RedLion2000: Oh

RedLion2000: You disgusting boi

Sharpshooter01: I’m sure you love it really

RedLion2000: I’m a quiet person...

Sharpshooter01: I bet I could make you loud ;)

RedLion2000: SHARPSHOOTER NO

Sharpshooter01: SHARPSHOOTER YES

RedLion2000: Bye

Sharpshooter01: Oh you love it really

RedLion2000: Maybe I do... 

I don’t know how but that boy just made me smile.

I dropped my phone down beside me and laid my head against my pillow. I closed my eyes and could almost forget about the conversation I had had with my parents.


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn’t hide from my geography teacher forever as much as I tried. Even though I attempted to rush out of class before she could see me, I failed. That was how I ended up standing in front of her again, a scowl on my face. “Lance, I think you need to consider talking to your parents about this. Being diagnosed could really benefit you.” Her voice was so soft and I hated it. It was all pity and I didn’t want that. 

“I don’t think I should. My parents won’t take it well...”

“Why not?” That pitied look made me want to yell at her for assuming the worst and seeing me as weak. It made me want to prove my strength and smile, telling her that everything was entirely fine. It made me want to tell her to mind her own business and leave me alone. Instead, I replied in a quiet, timid voice.

“I don’t know. They just... won’t.”

“I saw your report, Lance. You aren’t doing well in any of your classes. This is a serious issue.”

“I know!” I pressed a hand into my temple, taking a deep breath to calm me down. I didn’t want to shout because that would just make it look like something really was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Nothing much, at least. When I started to speak again, I was slightly calmer. “I’m such a failure and people won’t stop reminding me...” My jaw was tense as tears collected in my eyes. I fought them with excessive blinking but they didn’t want to go away.

“Lance... you aren’t a failure.”

“Yes, I am. I failed all my subjects and I’m just so stupid.”

“You aren’t. I just don’t think you are getting the help you need.”

“Fine,” I ended up muttering after a few moments of silence. I decided that finding out if I had ADHD might help me find methods of improving my concentration and potentially raising my grades to avoid a repeat of my last report. “Just... do it. Call my parents in for a meeting.”

“If they agree, you’d get referred to somebody who could assess you properly and then, if they believe you may have ADHD, they’ll be able to refer you to a psychiatrist to find the appropriate therapy or medication.”

“Sounds like fun.” The sarcasm was obvious but I saw a smile flicker on my teacher’s face.

“Yeah. I know it sucks now but things will get better, alright? And your parents shouldn’t hate you for this.”

“I know... I need to get to my next class.”

She nodded, reaching for a piece of paper that was sat on her desk. She jotted something down before handing it over to me. “Give this to your teacher just so they know you were with me and not bunking.”

“Thank you.”

-

“How come you were so late?” Hunk questioned, leaning over the desk so that I could hear him properly. I shrugged but my leg was bouncing beneath the table- a sign of my nerves. Hunk frowned, glancing quickly at the teacher to ensure he wasn’t watching before mumbling, “Is something going on? You’ve been acting weird.”

“Nothing’s going on. My teacher just kept me behind because I’m failing.”

“Oh, that sucks, man.”

“Yeah-“

“Lance! Hunk! Be quiet!” Our heads snapped up to face the teacher who was glaring in our direction. We both hastily apologised before returning to writing out our notes. My mind kept wandering to the conversation I had had with my geography teacher and it was making me feel kind of queasy.

-

“Did you guys get your reports yesterday?” Pidge asked, taking a bite of the sandwich they were holding in their left hand and writing something with their right. They really were a master of multi-tasking. It was almost scary.

“Yep,” Hunk didn’t seem too bothered by their question but I just glanced down at the table and stayed quiet. My leg was bouncing up and down under the table again but they were yet to notice my nerves. “Let me guess... all As?”

“Of course!” Pidge flashed a wide grin that showed off their perfectly white teeth.

“I got two Bs and an A. Not too bad in my opinion... What about you, Lance?”

“Wait, wait. I think I can guess! You failed everything. As usual.”

“How’d you know?” I gasped, as if I was surprised about their little faith in me. I wasn’t surprised at all.

“You’re such a failure, Lance,” The words echoed around my brain as I let out the fakest laugh in the world. “It’s because you daydream so much.” I tried to see it as a joke but I couldn’t. My stomach dropped as one word repeated in my head like it was about to go out of fashion: _failure_.

-

Sharpshooter01: Can you talk?

RedLion2000: Is everything alright?

Sharpshooter01: My parents are going to hate me so much

RedLion2000: How come?

Sharpshooter01: I finally agreed to let my teacher speak to my parents about my potential ADHD

RedLion2000: That’s not so bad?

Sharpshooter01: Considering how badly they reacted to my shitty report card, it is so bad.

RedLion2000: I’m here if you need me, okay? Please stay safe

Sharpshooter01: This might be the last time we talk for a while...

RedLion2000: How come?

Sharpshooter01: They’re going to kill me haha

RedLion2000: Don’t say that

Sharpshooter01: Sorry but I need to go

RedLion2000: Please don’t go

Sharpshooter01: I have to. My dad wants to talk to me (and probably remind me of how stupid and useless I am).

RedLion2000: Talk later?

Sharpshooter01: Maybe


	6. Chapter 6

“Your teacher thinks you have what now?” My dad seemed so much taller in that moment. He was staring down at me whilst I was staring up through the widest, most terrified eyes any human could ever have. Unless my dad had grown ten centimetres overnight, it was all my imagination, playing on my fears. My mum was still at work so it was just me and him.

“ADHD. Do you know what that is?” My words came out like pathetic squeaks. I planned on standing my ground and giving my parents as much information as possible but it was much harder when you were on the spot.

“Of course I do. It’s for those kids who are annoying and disrupt everyone all the time. I should have known you would have it.” I bit my bottom lip, turning away so I wouldn’t have to see the angry scowl on his face. Tears were welling up in my eyes but I just kept blinking them away. If my dad saw me cry, it would not help my case; if anything, it would make it much worse. He’d start calling me a ‘wimp’ and telling me to ‘man up’ and I couldn’t take that. “You were always the most useless of all our kids.”

“Dad?” Both my dad and I turned to the doorway where two of my sisters were standing. Louisa had her arm around Veronica, the youngest out of all of us, and they were watching our dad closely. Louisa looked slightly concerned but quickly covered it up with a large smile. “What’s for dinner?”

“I don’t know, honey. Can’t you see Lance and I are having a private conversation?” My dad’s voice had gotten so much calmer and it sent a weird shiver up my spine. Louisa nodded and took Veronica's tiny hand into her own. Louisa glanced at me as if to ask if I was okay but I just shot her a forced grin.

“But I’m hungry!” Veronica whined loudly before putting on her best ‘puppy dog eyes’. She was the champion of ‘puppy dog eyes’. She widened her eyes substantially and pouted whilst they glistened in the light.

“Fine. But Lance?” I nodded but refused to meet his gaze. “We’ll continue this conversation later when your mother gets home.” I gulped. I did not want my mum to ever come home.

-

Sharpshooter01: “People with ADHD are annoying”

Sharpshooter01: “I should have know you’d have it”

Sharpshooter01: “You were always the most useless”

RedLion2000: Ouch... what an idiot

Sharpshooter01: My dad totally would have said more if my sisters hadn’t interrupted us

RedLion2000: What about your mum?

Sharpshooter01: She isn’t home yet. She works late.

Sharpshooter01: Maybe if I yeet myself out of my bedroom window before she gets here I can avoid being screamed at whilst all my siblings are within hearing range

RedLion2000: That doesn’t sound like a good idea

Sharpshooter01: Why?

RedLion2000: Because you’ll get hurt

Sharpshooter01: That’s kind of the point, Red

RedLion2000: :/

Sharpshooter01: Shit. I just heard my mum walk in the door

Sharpshooter01: I need to go sorry

RedLion2000: Stay safe for me, okay Sharpshooter?

-

I don’t know what’s worse. Arguing that features full on screaming or arguing that consists of hushed whispers because your siblings are just upstairs. Veronica and Luis had been put to bed and Louisa and Marco were probably playing video games or reading a book or something. I really didn’t want them to hear our parents tearing me to shreds with horrible words.

“We knew there was something wrong with you...” My mum whispered and she looked like she was going to cry. She was the last person who deserved to cry because it was technically her fault that I hadn’t been diagnosed sooner. “I think ADHD is just some excuse you’re making up so we don’t think you’re stupid or something.” 

“It’s not. My teacher actually-“ I started but they didn’t even let me finish what I was saying.

“Those schools will find any excuse to cover up their shitty grades.”

“You should at least go to the meeting and see what she has to say.” I tried to compromise but it was fairly hard to compromise with people who essentially didn’t care about your wellbeing. I’m sure my parents would just be happy if I got a single good grade, even if it killed me.

“Oh we’ll go to the meeting and give that teacher a piece of our mind. She shouldn’t be shoving her nose into business that isn’t her own. She’s just trying to stick a label on you so that people look down on you.”

“Maybe she’s right,” I exhaled deeply. “Maybe I do have ADHD.”

“ADHD is bullshit. Anyone who claims they have it deserves to have some sense slapped into them.”

I stepped closer to my dad, so close that I could almost feel his breath. “Are you going to slap me then?” The words lingered in the air as my parents shared a glance with raised eyebrows and a sharp scowl. My dad then backed up and cleared his throat.

“Lance, stop it. I don’t know what has lead you to suddenly want so much attention but we aren’t going to have it.”

“I’m not looking for attention!”

“You obviously are. You’re tired of being the oldest who always looks after the others and you want to be noticed. I get it. But you don’t need to fake mental disorders to be noticed.”

“I’m not faking anything!” I didn’t mean to raise my voice but it was kind of hard not to with the fire that was burning deep inside my chest. 

“Lance, this is enough. What is it you want? Do you want us to stop making you look after the others? Is that it?”

“No! I don’t want anything except you to accept me for who I am!”

“Mummy?” All of us turned to see Veronica standing behind me, clutching her teddy bear against her chest. It was a stuffed panda that she had had ever since she was a baby. It was rather disgusting: its white fur having become grey and it having lost a lot of stuffing over the years. “Why’s Lance shouting?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” I muttered, storming up the stairs. I had to push passed Veronica to get there but I didn’t really care. As soon as I reached my room, I grabbed my school bag that was sat in the corner and tipped out all of its contents. The exercise books sprawled out everywhere but I didn’t even spare them a second glance. I chucked whatever I could find in the span of five minutes into the bag, including a random change of clothes and my phone charger. After checking I had my phone in my jacket pocket, I headed back downstairs. I heard my mum putting Veronica back to bed but I knew my dad was waiting for me to make a reappearance.

Sure enough, he was standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arm folded. “What are you doing, Lance?” He asked and it sounded almost like a threat. In that moment, I couldn’t have cared less.

“I’m going out.” I murmured before turning to the front door. 

“Don’t you dare.”

“I need space.” I then left and slammed the door as loudly as I could behind me. I made it to the end of my front garden before I started to cry like a baby. It wasn’t a pretty cry with an aesthetic tear dripping down my cheek. It was full on, ugly sobbing. I fumbled for my phone and input Hunk’s number with my quivering fingertips. It went straight to voicemail because his phone was turned off.

I clicked into Pidge’s contact next and she picked up after a couple of rings. “Hello?” The background around her was filled with loud music and chatter. It sounded like she was in the middle of a party or something. “Lance?”

“Are you busy?” I questioned, trying to hide the tremble in my voice. It didn’t exactly work but she seemed to distracted to really notice.

“Yeah, kind of. Matt got here like ten minutes ago.”

“Oh... okay.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry for bothering you.” I hung up and stared out into the street in front of me. I didn’t know where I was going to go but it didn’t matter. If I got murdered or kidnapped, I’d actually be kind of thankful.


	7. Chapter 7

Sharpshooter01: Red

Sharpshooter01: I’m not going to be online for a while

RedLion2000: How long? And why?

Sharpshooter01: I kind of ran away maybe

RedLion2000: Shit... where are you going to go?

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know

Sharpshooter01: I’ll probably throw myself off a bridge or something

RedLion2000: That isn’t something you just joke about

Sharpshooter01: I don’t care. No one cares about me anyway.

RedLion2000: I care about you

RedLion2000: Tell me where you are

Sharpshooter01: You going to come stalk me? Stab me maybe?

RedLion2000: No. I need to know you are safe.

Sharpshooter01: In that case, I’m sat on a bench down the road from my house

RedLion2000: Do you have any friends you could stay with?

Sharpshooter01: No

Sharpshooter01: One’s partying because their brother came home from uni for the first time in like a year and the other’s phone is off

RedLion2000: Shit Lance

RedLion2000: You need to go home. It isn’t safe to be out at night

RedLion2000: Wait... what time is it where you are?

Sharpshooter01: 10:02pm

RedLion2000: Okay same

RedLion2000: I don’t know what to tell you to do, Lance... you can’t just stay outside until the morning

Sharpshooter01: Do you think I care?

Sharpshooter01: I want to be dead, Red

Sharpshooter01: Ha that rhymed. Maybe if I survive I can become a poet

RedLion2000: You are going to survive this Sharpshooter

Sharpshooter01: I’m not going to but it doesn’t matter really, does it?

Sharpshooter01: I’m just one person among billions on the earth. No one will miss me. You’ve probably got loads of friends at your school or whatever. My other friends will always have each other. My parents would prefer it if I was dead anyway. My siblings don’t need me if they’ve got each other. This will make everyone better off

Sharpshooter01: I just want to be somebody to someone, you know? I don’t know if that makes sense but like... I’m so sick of being nobody to everyone. I want someone to make me feel special and important

RedLion2000: Lance will you just shut up

RedLion2000: Please

RedLion2000: I can’t just listen to you say this

Sharpshooter01: Goodbye Red. It was nice talking to you. Ever since that first time we talked, I really cared about you. It’s really nice of you to just let random strangers vent to you. I’m sorry I bothered you though... You deserve much better friends.

RedLion2000: Lance please don’t

RedLion2000: Lance??

Sharpshooter01: Lance respond to me right now

Sharpshooter01: I’m sorry

RedLion2000: You fucking idiot

RedLion2000: Don’t you dare

Sharpshooter01: I’m going to go now...

RedLion2000: I will personally hunt you down and stop you if I have to

RedLion2000: Lance...

RedLion2000: Answer me

RedLion2000: Lance

RedLion2000: Lance

RedLion2000: ...Sharpshooter?


	8. Chapter 8

I stood at the edge of the bridge, gripping my phone in my hands. I could see that Red was spamming me with messages but I couldn’t bring myself to read them. I turned my phone off of vibrate so that I could ignore them completely and potentially even convince myself he’d stop. My hands were trembling as I climbed over the railing. My back was pressed up against it and my hair was flying around in all different directions. My stomach was doing all different gymnastics’ stunts and I thought I was going to puke right there and then.

I took a deep breath, aware that it would take seconds for me to bend my legs and jump. Then I’d fall down into the water and, after the painful drowning, it would all be over. My knuckles were white as they gripped onto the railings but I wasn’t sure why I was bothering to hold on so tight. I wanted to fall so surely it didn’t matter whether I slipped or did it myself? 

My stomach lurched and I let go of the railing with my left hand to cover my mouth. I wasn’t even crying anymore; I just felt so nauseated. 

“Hey! Get away from the edge!” Someone yelled and I turned to see a man running towards me. He looked panicked, the wrinkles by his wide eyes as prominent as ever. He looked like he had just been on his way home from a date or something because he was dressed in a button up shirt and was with a girl. I was being an inconvenience to him. I glanced back to the crashing waves. If I just jumped then... I wouldn’t be an inconvenience anymore.

He just kept getting closer so I muttered out a small, “Leave me alone.”

“You have so much to live for!”

His words sparked something in me. “You don’t know me at all! You don’t know what it’s like to be constantly put down by your parents about things you can’t even help. Parents are meant to love unconditionally but all they do is call me a failure or- or useless and I know! I know I’m not good enough. I get it. I just can’t take it anymore!” I was screaming so loudly that I was sure I was going to form a crowd but I didn’t care. I kept my gaze fixed on the water below me where I longed to be. The waves seemed rough but that seemed strangely comforting and alluring to me. It was a cold winter’s day so I knew the water was below freezing in temperature but that just made it seem all the more appealing.

“Just come over here and we can talk this out, alright? Is there someone we can call for you?”

“No! Don’t call anyone!”

My knees were shaking beneath me and I expected them to give out at any moment and send me tumbling down into the river to drown. The next thing I knew, someone had climbed over the railing and was standing behind me. “Come with me, please. This isn’t a good idea.” The person grabbed my hand and my gaze flickered up to their eyes. They were crying a lot whilst I was strangely calm. “You’re so young... you’ve got so much to live for.”

“I don’t. I don’t have anything.”

“Yes, you do. You might not think so but people care about you. You aren’t as alone as you feel you are. Things will end up okay just, please, come with me.”

Numbly, I nodded. The person helped me get back onto the safe part of the bridge and I instantaneously collapsed onto the ground into a fit of sobs. Finally, all of my emotions were coming out and I couldn’t even try to hold them back. It was like the dam had been destroyed and there was no way it was ever being built up again. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Lance...”

“Okay, Lance. I’m Jeremy. Do you have your phone?” I reached into my back pocket and handed it over.

Someone else passed me my backpack which I had just ditched on the floor before climbing over the railing. I hugged it against my chest as if it was my most prized possession whilst the person in front of me turned my phone on. “What’s your password, love?”

“Please don’t call anybody... I don’t want my parents to know.” My teeth were violently chattering and I probably looked like the most pathetic person on the earth but nobody around me seemed too bothered about my state, more concerned. It was peculiar how some strangers cared about me more than my own parents.

“We need to call somebody. We can’t just leave you here... Not to intrude but this RedLion guy seems concerned. Should we call them for you?”

I shook my head but, deep down, I wished they could call Red. I really wanted him and his kind words with me here. I closed my eyes and could almost imagine his figure beside me but, of course, I didn’t know what he looked like at all. “I don’t know who he is. He probably lives far away, knowing my luck.”

“Okay. Do you have any friends that live around here?”

“Hunk?” He might have turned his phone on. I recalled my password to him and he nodded, tapping in the numbers and opening up the keypad.

“Hunk, yeah?” I nodded and he clicked into the name. I watched him put the phone to his ear as he waited for Hunk to pick up. At least it rang that time. “Hello? Is this Hunk?”

I couldn’t hear Hunk’s side of the conversation but I’m sure he was concerned when he heard a stranger’s voice instead of mine.

“You’re friends with Lance? I think you need to come and get him. He’s in a bit of a state and refuses to let us get in contact with his parents.” He went silent, obviously as Hunk took his turn speaking. “He’s at a bridge. You know...” He started to explain the surroundings whilst I stared into space. 

To calm myself down, I imagined Red. I tried to picture him, creating a fictional appearance that I thought matched his personality. I imagined somebody about my height with short, brown hair and a long fringe. I imagined a quirky style with flannels and old fashioned clothes. I imagined him to have a small, adorable laugh and to be more awkward than not. I expected him to be timid in real life, despite how open and confident he was online. I tried to pretend he was there with me, reminding me to take a deep breath and just... survive.

I didn’t even realise how much time had passed until Hunk was at my side with an arm around me.

“I- I need to stay with you for a bit...” I murmured. I was convinced I was stuck in another world mentally because I couldn’t tear my gaze away from one spot in the air and my voice was monotone, despite what had just happened.

“I’d need to ask my parents but they love you so I’m sure they’ll be fine with it.” Hunk turned to the people who had helped me and thanked them before sending them on their ways. “What happened? I know you’ve been acting off but this... it’s a whole new level.”

“I hate my parents so much.” Hunk’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “Miss Hayes,” My geography teacher, “thought I might have ADHD. She called up my parents and they basically just told me how useless I was so I decided I had had enough. I packed a bag and called you and Pidge but you didn’t pick up and Matt had just come home so Pidge was busy. I- I didn’t know what else to do.”

Hunk then started to cry with me. He laced our hands together and held on tightly enough that I couldn’t choose to let go. We sat there, on the floor of the bridge at half ten at night, crying together. We must have looked pathetic but that didn’t matter to me anymore. “I need my phone... where’s my phone?” I started to panic, my breathing becoming erratic, as I realised all my pockets were empty but Hunk held it out for me. Red had sent me so many messages and I couldn’t help but feel guilty.


	9. Chapter 9

Sharpshooter01: I’m so sorry Red

RedLion2000: YOU FUCKING IDIOT I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD

Sharpshooter01: Well I’m not

Sharpshooter01: Thanks to some random people on the street

RedLion2000: What happened?

Sharpshooter01: I went to a bridge and I almost jumped. I was so tempted. Like... just looking down into the waves made me feel a weird sense of calm I haven’t felt in a long time. Sadly they convinced me not to and called my friend so now I’m going to stay with him for a bit.

RedLion2000: Don’t say sadly

Sharpshooter01: I’m sorry

RedLion2000: I was so scared for you... I don’t want to lose you Sharpshooter

Sharpshooter01: You won’t

Sharpshooter01: For a little while at least

RedLion2000: Yeah...

RedLion2000: Do you think we’re friends, Lance?

Sharpshooter01: Of course I do

RedLion2000: Good because I do too

Sharpshooter01: I should probably go because Hunk’s asking question

RedLion2000: Hunk?

Sharpshooter01: Oh yeah he’s my friend. The one I’m staying with

RedLion2000: Tell him I say thank you for looking after you

Sharpshooter01: hahahahaha no

RedLion2000: Well... I hope we can talk later

Sharpshooter01: Me too :)

-

“Who’s that?” Hunk questioned, trying to peer over my shoulder. I kept trying to turn away so that he couldn’t see my screen. I hadn’t told him about Red and I didn’t think I would for a while. I wanted to keep him to myself, as stupid as that was. Hunk might have made me stop talking to him because I had never heard his voice or seen his voice so he could be a paedophile for all I knew. Not that I cared. “Come on! Have you got a secret girlfriend?”

“No.” I muttered, standing up and walking away from my friend whilst I typed. I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face when Red responded with something sweet. Hunk was staring at me with thin eyes.

“Boyfriend?”

“No, Hunk. It’s just a friend.”

“Well who is it then?”

Realising he wouldn’t shut up until I told him, I gave in. “His name’s Red,” I eventually said and that stupid smile appeared on my face again. Red just made me feel so giddy and happy which was odd. I didn’t even know what he looked like so how was it that he gave me a reason to live? “I met him online.”

Hunk’s face fell and he met my gaze. I knew he would be worried but he was never going to get me to stop talking to Red. Without Red, I was nothing. “He could be a serial killer from Texas.”

“Why Texas?”

“Why not? How much do you know about him?” Hunk grabbed my hand as he stood up. His house was only a couple of streets away so we were probably going to walk there. He didn’t disconnect our hands as we set off but I didn’t mind. The contact was nice. And I could almost imagine I was with Red if I closed my eyes. I wondered if his hands would be as warm as Hunk’s and if he’d walk as slowly.

“Fair enough... but really, I don’t know much about him except we’re in the same time zone and his name is Red.”

“That’s seriously dodgy, man. He could actually be a serial killer or something and you wouldn’t know.”

“He isn’t. I know he isn’t.” Red was too caring to be a serial killer. He was too sweet, too intelligent, too kind. There was no way on earth that Red, my best friend, was plotting to hunt me down and kill me.

“How?” Hunk sounded suspicious but I wasn’t going to let him take Red away from me. When I thought about it, Red and I hadn’t actually talked too much but I already liked him a lot.

“He’s just really nice. The only reason I messaged him was because I stumbled across his blog on Tumblr. I hardly think a serial killer would have a blog dedicated to fictional characters.”

“You never know. All kidnappers have hobbies.” I laughed a little at that response but I knew he was kidding for the most part. We then lapsed into silence for a moment until he spoke up again with concern laced in his voice. “You know you can talk to me whenever about whatever, right?”

I nodded and let out a gentle sigh. “Of course I know that...”

“Then why... why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like- like this?” His eyes were glistening underneath the streetlights. I frowned, glancing down at the floor so I didn’t have to see him cry and know it was because of me. I kept my eyes focused on a little puddle whilst Hunk’s breath hitched beside me.

“Because... I didn’t want to be annoying. You and Pidge always told me I was annoying so... and it only got really bad today because of what my parents were saying to me.”

“It’s mine and Pidge’s fault?” His voice cracked and I could just feel my heart shatter. I finally looked at him so I knew he could see how rapidly I was shaking my head.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t want to bother anybody.”

“Please talk to us next time, alright Lance?”

“I will.” At that exact moment, we approached his house. It was smaller than mine but only housed two kids and two parents. It looked a lot more tended to with short, mowed grass and a patch of flowers out front. My parents rarely bothered with gardening because they were always so busy. Keeping the garden tidy was just at the bottom of their list of priorities.

I followed Hunk up to the front door and inside. His mum and dad were sitting in the living room and immediately called Hunk over. I hid behind him as we walked into the room, slightly embarrassed about showing up without his parents knowing. “Why did you leave so suddenly without telling us?” His mum asked, worry laced in her voice. 

I couldn’t help but wonder how my parents were feeling right at that moment. I bet they didn’t care. They were probably throwing a party or something, happy to finally get rid of me. The only reason they needed me was to look after my siblings but they would be fine without me. I was so lost inside my head that I didn’t realise they had been talking to me until Hunk elbowed me in the side. I hummed a response, glancing between his parents with hope they’d repeat themselves.

“We said your parents were stupid for saying things like that and we’re really sorry. You can stay with us as long as you need but we will need to contact your parents so that they know you’re safe.”

“Please don’t...”

“I’m sorry, Lance. It’s late. I’ll talk to your parents now and you and Hunk should go and get some rest.”

Hunk nodded, linking his arm with mine and taking me up the stairs. 

As I climbed into Hunk’s bed beside him, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was a burden. Hunk and I were laying so that are backs faced each other. I stared out into the darkness with my mind on overdrive.


	10. Chapter 10

Sharpshooter01: Tell me about yourself

RedLion2000: It’s midnight. Go to bed you dingus

Sharpshooter01: You go to bed too then

RedLion2000: No

Sharpshooter01: Then I won’t be going to sleep either :P

Sharpshooter01: I couldn’t sleep anyway... hence why I messaged you. I was just laying in my friend’s bed thinking way too much

RedLion2000: :(

RedLion2000: What do you want to know then?

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know... just anything

RedLion2000: How about we take turns asking each other questions

Sharpshooter01: Sounds boring but okay

RedLion2000: What’s your favourite colour?

Sharpshooter01: What a generic question. Mine’s blue. What’s yours?

RedLion2000: Red

Sharpshooter01: Your name’s suiting then haha. How old are you?

RedLion2000: I’m 12

Sharpshooter01: 0_o

RedLion2000: I’m joking I’m actually 17

Sharpshooter01: Same!

RedLion2000: Is Lance your real name?

Sharpshooter01: ...Yeah? Why? Is Red not your real name?

RedLion2000: Nope. My real name is Keith

Sharpshooter01: I’m shook

Sharpshooter01: What country do you live in?

RedLion2000: England, you?

Sharpshooter01: No way, same! Whereabouts?

RedLion2000: Kind of near London

Sharpshooter01: SAME OMG

Sharpshooter01: WHAT IF WE LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE BUT NEVER REALISED

Sharpshooter01: WE COULD BE NEIGHBOURS

RedLion2000: You know the odds of that is like one in a million

Sharpshooter01: A guy can dream

RedLion2000: What’s the name of your school then? I might know it

Sharpshooter01: What if you stalk me?

RedLion2000: Ugh I need to go. Someone just came into my room and told me to go to bed wow

Sharpshooter01: Okay

Sharpshooter01: I’m going to tell you my school anyway just because you already know I’m suicidal and you’re Red I don’t think you can do much harm **(Note: Please don't tell people online the name of your school! It's very dangerous, especially if you haven't called or video chatted with them so cannot confirm they are who they say you are! If you want to meet up with them, be safe about it! Do it in a public place and don't go on your own!)**

Sharpshooter01: *Keith

I typed out the name of my school and sent it, wondering if I’d find myself regretting it later. I couldn’t see any outcome that wasn’t desirable even in a small way. If he ended up being a serial killer and murdered me, that would just be a bonus. I wanted to be dead anyway so whatever happened, it was a win, right?

I didn’t even get a response from Keith so I assumed he had fallen asleep or something.

-

In the morning, the first thing I did was check my phone. Sure enough Keith had responded with. “ _IF THIS IS A JOKE, I’M GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HURT YOU. THIS ISN’T FUNNY. TELL ME WHO YOU ARE._ ” I was a bit taken aback as I stared at the message on the screen whilst Hunk watched with furrowed eyebrows. He had made himself some toast and was nibbling at it whilst I sat with only a cup of coffee. 

One of my hands was wrapped around the mug and the other was holding my phone. I didn’t know why Keith would think I was joking about the school name because I hadn’t been. Why would I have joked about it?

Sharpshooter01: This isn’t a joke? Why would it be a joke?

RedLion2000: Let me guess. Someone found my stupid blog and thought it would be hilarious to prank me by pretending to be my friend. Haha very funny. The emo kid has a gay tumblr account where he makes stupid edits. 

Sharpshooter01: Keith, what are you on about?

RedLion2000: I actually cared about you, Lance or whatever your real name is. I hope you know that I cried when I thought you were dead because you were the first friend I’ve ever had. Now all I have to say is fuck you. Fuck you Lance.

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know what you’re talking about?

RedLion2000: You don’t? Yeah, right. I totally believe you. That’s why you go to my school and just did this so you have more material to use against me. As if me being gay wasn’t enough for you to tease me about.

RedLion2000: I’m blocking you because I have had enough of your shit. Seriously... faking to be suicidal? That’s a new low. How insensitive can you be?

Sharpshooter01: Keith, please listen to me

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know who you really are or why you reacted like this but I want you to know that I care about you. I never meant to hurt you or anything and that’s a promise, alright Red?

RedLion2000: I bet you’re one of those jerks who thinks it’s funny to make fun of someone for being gay.

Sharpshooter01: I’m not and I can prove it to you

Sharpshooter01: Meet me outside the science block at break time

RedLion2000: So you and your friends can corner me and beat me up? Hell no. I’m sorry but I actually value my life.

Sharpshooter01: Please. Just trust me.

-

“Are you okay?” I diverted my gaze away from my phone for one second to see Hunk watching me closely. He had long since finished his toast, the only bits of it remaining being the little crumbs. My coffee had gone cold and I had barely touched it. I swallowed thickly, shifting in my seat and twisting my mug around on the table just so my hands had something to do.

“No...” I admitted, tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t lose Keith. He was so important to me, despite the fact that I didn’t even know what he looked like. Hunk moved his chair closer to me so that he was able to wrap an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply. 

“What’s wrong?”

I just shook my head because I was already enough of a burden. Hunk didn’t need me venting to him too. Then I felt the weight of a hand on my knee and glanced down at it. It was a silent reminder that Hunk wanted me to open up to him: he was my best friend, after all. “Red- well his name is actually Keith-“

“He didn’t tell you his real name?” Hunk’s mouth fell open and it was obvious he was jumping to the worst conclusion.

“Just let me finish before assuming things,” Hunk went to say something else but didn’t in the end, settling with a small nod. “He goes to our school. When he found out, he thought I was trying to make fun of him or I was joking around or something. I don’t even know anybody called Keith.”

“I do,” Hunk kept his voice low but my head perked up like a meerkat’s would. “A kid in my physics.”

“What’s he like?” I placed my head on my hands and smiled gently. I wanted to know everything Hunk knew about this Keith, even if there was a chance it was the wrong guy. I wanted to know if he looked how I imagined him to and if he was just as sweet as he seemed over message. Hunk rolled his eyes a little bit.

“I don’t know. He hardly ever talks and, when he does, his voice is monotone. He has a mullet because the dude has no sense of style at all. I’m pretty sure he aces every class and he doesn’t have any friends. He usually has his headphones on in the common room at such a volume that I’m worried for his eardrums.”

“He sounds cute...” I found myself mumbling and Hunk chuckled, placing a hand on my back. I could feel a blush spreading across my cheek because I really really liked Keith.

“You haven’t even met him yet.”

“I don’t care, Hunk. I don’t care at all.”


	11. Chapter 11

At break, Hunk came with me to meet Keith... just in case. I wouldn’t shut up the entire way, voicing all my worries and hopes aloud to my poor friend who didn’t even seem to care much. I was walking subconsciously fast because I just wanted to get there. I just wanted to see Keith’s (presumably) adorable face. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and thank him for everything he had done for me.

When I turned the corner to see the mullet-haired boy leaning up against the wall of the science block, I thought I was going to pass out. Hunk took hold of my arm and squeezed to let him know he was there for me. “Red- no, no Keith!” I yelled, my entire face lighting up as he walked in my direction.

He was even more pretty and adorable than I imagined. He definitely did have a mullet but it suited him a surprising amount. His eyes were a dark blue colour and his nose was on the small side. He was wearing a large, black hoodie and skinny jeans because of course he was the emo kid. I had seen him in the common room a couple of times but never spared him a second glance. All that time I could have been staring at him... I rapidly shook my head to myself, ignoring the weird looks I got from Keith and Hunk.

“I don’t want him here,” Keith’s eyes became thin as he stared in Hunk’s general direction. Hunk appeared offended but did leave with a small wave aimed at me. Then I was left with my internet friend and it just felt surreal. Even when Keith looked like he wanted to punch me, I was ecstatic to be around him. “So... where are they then?”

“Where are what?” I said, confused. My eyebrows were furrowed as he shoved me up against the brick wall. My head hit the material and things spun for a few seconds. I blinked rapidly and everything soon settled. I met his eyes. I still found them gorgeous, even if the look in them was murderous.

“The insults. The threats. The ‘you’re so gullible’ and ‘you have a gay blog, that’s so stupid’. Come on, I dare you.” He practically spat the words out as if they were venom.

“Keith... I don’t- I want-“ He cut me off by grabbing the collar of my shirt. For a moment, I had to remind myself that it was RedLion2000, my best internet friend. He couldn’t hurt me. We had been through some serious stuff together and he cared about me. Despite these thoughts, I scrunched my eyes shut and waited to be hit or something.

“I swear, if you’ve told anyone about my blog-“

“I haven’t! I swear! The only person I’ve talked to you about is to Hunk but I never mentioned the blog. Can you just... let me speak and let go of me?” 

Keith let out a loud huff, letting go of my shirt and backing up. “I never lied about anything. I want to be your friend, I- I promise. I didn’t know you went to my school and I didn’t know people hurt you or whatever. I just happened to need to vent to somebody and you were there for me. Then we became friends- real friends. You can trust me.”

“Oh yeah?” His strong demeanour had fallen drastically and the hands that were once clenched into fists were just hanging limply by his side. His eyes were sparkling and that may have been because he was about to cry or because of the sunlight. My bets were on the light.

“Yes, Red.”

“My name’s Keith.”

“I know but you’ll always be Red to me. No matter what.”

Keith bit his lip, his mullet flying about in the wind. I decided to step forward and wrap my arms around him, closing my eyes as I buried my head into his shoulder. He didn’t smell of anything in particular but somehow he still smelt beautiful. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick to you. I just- I don’t trust people these days. All people do is hurt me.” His voice cracked and I was desperate to embrace him again but that wasn’t socially acceptable.

“I know,” I said instead. “People suck.”

“I’m glad we can agree on that.”

“Come sit with me?” Keith nodded and a grin broke out on my face. I walked him to the bench my friends were sat at and both of them turned to stare at me and Keith. On the way there, I had told him a bit about Pidge and Hunk. I described Pidge as “a tiny genius who could insult you with just one look” and Hunk as “a loveable gummy bear that you couldn’t help but fall in love with”. I’m sure Keith could easily match the descriptions to their faces.

Keith just stared down at his lap whilst I introduced him. Hunk looked rather bashful but Pidge was quick to hold out a hand for Keith to shake. Keith awkwardly shook it but continued to avoid her gaze beneath their large glasses. “This is Pidge and this is Hunk.”

Keith waved a little and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen on the planet. He was so awkward but somehow it was more adorable than annoying. I don’t know if it was conscious but he then slid over in his seat so our thighs were touching. My heart skipped a beat. 

Keith didn’t like being the centre of attention and that was clear in the way he just kept his gaze fixed downwards. Hunk and Pidge must have noticed too because they then lapsed into an argument about what anime was the best. Keith watched them curiously, probably having his own opinion that may or may not have been the same as Hunk’s or Pidge’s. I had my head balanced on my hands and wasn’t paying attention to the argument in the slightest.

I was discreetly staring at Keith. He really was beautiful. He had the odd freckle on his face and a tiny scar on the bottom of his left cheek. I wondered what he had gotten it from, deciding it was probably from doing something cool like handling a sword. I could see Keith holding onto a long sword with his large hands, fighting bad guys. 

Something hit my shoulder and I muttered a small, “ouch”. I realised it was a chocolate bar that had hit me (it had fallen onto the table) and glared at Pidge who had obviously thrown it, considering the wicked grin on their face. I sent them a thin eyed glare whilst Hunk and Pidge laughed loudly and Keith exhaled air through his nose (which was close enough to a laugh). What did his full on laughter sound like? He had said he was quiet before but I was sure I could make him laugh at a loud volume. I bet his laugh was as cute as his personality and appearance.

Next period rolled around much faster than I wanted it to. Then I was having to wave goodbye to Keith and leave for my lesson. I couldn’t wait to see him again.


	12. Chapter 12

Sharpshooter01: Damn Red. I didn’t expect you to be so cute.

RedLion2000: Hahahahaha no

Sharpshooter01: You are so cute though! You have a mullet! Who has a mullet these days?

RedLion2000: I don’t have a mullet

Sharpshooter01: You so do

RedLion2000: -.-

RedLion2000: Anyways. You’re kind of cute too

Sharpshooter01: Thanks :)

RedLion2000: I’m really sorry for what I said and did and stuff. I was a bit of an idiot and I jumped to conclusions. I hope you can forgive me

Sharpshooter01: Of course I can forgive you

Sharpshooter01: You’re Red. What would I do without you and your advice :P

RedLion2000: Haha. You really don’t deserve all the stuff you’ve had to go through

Sharpshooter01: Shit happens

Sharpshooter01: I’m glad I met you though

RedLion2000: Me too 

Sharpshooter01: Can I tell you a secret?

Sharpshooter01: Or two?

RedLion2000: Anything

Sharpshooter01: 1. I imagined you looking completely different to how you actually look

RedLion2000: Oh.

Sharpshooter01: But I’m glad. You’re cuter than I imagined and a tad bit more emo.

RedLion2000: So how’d you imagine me to look?

Sharpshooter01: I imagined brown hair and a long, emo fringe. Flannels and old fashioned clothes. Awkward. Shy. 

Sharpshooter01: I definitely got awkward right

RedLion2000: I’m not that awkward!

Sharpshooter01: You kind of are...

Sharpshooter01: But it’s cute! I like it

RedLion2000: Move on to the next secret please

Sharpshooter01: Sure thing

Sharpshooter01: 2. You make me want to live

RedLion2000: Really?

Sharpshooter01: Yes. I really don’t know what I would do without you.

RedLion2000: Aw... I’m glad I can help because life is worth living. One day you’ll make it and be thankful that you survived.

Sharpshooter01: Eh

RedLion2000: Do you think you’re going to go home anytime soon? Or are you going to stay with Hunk for longer?

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know. Hunk’s mum spoke to mine and apparently they want me home. I don’t know if I can deal with that though. 

Sharpshooter01: But according to Hunk’s mum and my parents, my siblings miss me a lot. Veronica won’t sleep until I tuck her in and I haven’t been around so... I guess she hasn’t been sleeping

RedLion2000: Maybe they regret what they said, Lance? Maybe it was an in the moment, blinded my anger thing

Sharpshooter01: I doubt it...

RedLion2000: I have a question and it’s kind of personal but I want you to answer honestly

Sharpshooter01: Okay

RedLion2000: Have you had any more suicidal thoughts?

Sharpshooter01: I won’t try and jump of a bridge again, Red.

Sharpshooter01: Sorry *Keith

RedLion2000: You can call me Red but that didn’t exactly answer my question

Sharpshooter01: I guess I’ve had the thoughts... I’m kind of just a huge burden for Hunk right now

RedLion2000: I’m here for you. Talk to me when you have those thoughts. I can distract you.

Sharpshooter01: You can’t always be around though...

RedLion2000: I can try my best

Sharpshooter01: I need to go because Hunk wants help with baking some cake

RedLion2000: Ooh cool. I want cake.

Sharpshooter01: I’d bring you some if I could :P

-

I didn’t really _help_ Hunk. I sat at his kitchen table whilst he baked the cake. He was blaring out some music (it was pop garbage I didn’t recognise) and dancing around whilst I watched and laughed at his stupid moves. I half expected him to dab or something. I sang along to some of the more familiar songs, despite the fact that my voice resembled a cat on its deathbed. Once he placed the cake into the oven and closed the door, he slid into the seat opposite me. “So, Keith or Red... How do you feel about him?” He asked and I could feel a red blush spread across my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands and glanced downwards.

“I haven’t known him very long but yeah... he’s nice...” I responded and Hunk chuckled. My face continued to heat up just from thinking about my feelings for Keith. I definitely did not want to kiss him or date him. All he was to me was my best friend who just happened to make me feel giddy. 

“You totally like him.” I totally did like him.

“Shut up! I do not!” The colour of my face did not help my case.  
Hunk winked at me but muttered, “Sure...”

-

“Keith?” Keith turned his head to face me with furrowed eyebrows. I began to fumble into my bag that was full of all sorts of things I didn’t need to bring to school but couldn’t be bothered to clear out. Eventually I came across a small, transparent box. “The cake?” Keith’s face lit up as I unclipped the lid and handed him the cake.

“I didn’t think you’d actually get me some!” He picked it out of the box, a wide grin on his face as he did so. It was rainbow coloured with multiple layers including one that was just icing and jam. Keith practically moaned as he took a large bite and chewed. I tried my best not to let my mind wander into places it really shouldn’t be.

“I can take it back if you want...” I smirked and Keith shook his head rapidly. Apparently my friend had replaced me for some gay cake. At least I knew I was valued.

“Hell no. This is the best cake I’ve ever tasted.” I can back Keith up on that statement. When I had had a piece when it was fresh out of the oven, it was unlike anything I had ever eaten before. Hunk just had some magic powers or something.

“I know right! Hunk is an amazing chef.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Lance, love. You do know you are going to have to go home at some point, right? Your parents are really worried.” Hunk’s mum sat right beside me, a gentle hand on my knee. Hunk was on the other sofa, watching us with narrow eyes. I didn’t like that they were all watching me, waiting for me to start crying or cause a scene. My leg was bouncing up and down and I was drumming a beat with my fingers on the sofa.

Just mentioning my parents was enough to let the anxiety kick in. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stop myself from causing a scene. My mind was racing with thoughts about my parents and it wasn’t calming me down at all. My entire body was trembling and, although I wasn’t crying, I felt like I was about to start. “I can’t go home,” My voice was a mess, representative of my mind. “They- They hate me!”

“They don’t. They love you because you’re their son. They do care about you, alright Lance?” She looked at me, expecting an answer, but I just glanced away. “They want to apologise.”

“Yeah but only because I almost killed myself.” The words lingered in the air and Hunk’s mum looked reasonably shocked at how abrupt I was. I didn’t even attempt to take them back because they were true. They only started to care once I had almost thrown myself off a bridge to an early death.

“That’s not true. They’re just scared. They don’t understand what you having ADHD would involve and how it would affect them. They want what’s best for you, even if it doesn’t seem that way. You need to go home.”

“Is this your way of kicking me out politely?”

“No, it isn’t and you know that. You need to be with your parents and your siblings.”

“Fine, I’ll leave.” I mumbled, getting up on my feet. “Just give me some more time. I’ll go home tomorrow, okay? I just need... more time to think.”

“We understand but... tomorrow you need to go. You can’t back out at the last minute.” 

I nodded because I understood.

-

Sharpshooter01: Do you ever think that you’re just an inconvenience to everybody? Like you disappearing would just set everyone else free?

Sharpshooter01: Do you ever feel like you’re disconnected from the rest? Like everything’s moving so fast but you’re standing still amidst a mess?

Sharpshooter01: I have so much but it will never be enough. It will never be enough. I’ve got people to love but sometimes it’s way too much.

Sharpshooter01: I’m tired of it all. Wish I could flick a switch and turn it all off. But I can’t do that, even though I’m tempted when it gets tough.

Sharpshooter01: I’m drowning so slow and I want it to be over. But it can’t end so I have to start again each morning over... and over...

Sharpshooter01: Almost threw myself off a bridge the other day but couldn’t even do that right. It’d be cool to say I’m strong but I can’t even bring myself to die.

RedLion2000: Sorry I was out. What’s wrong?

Sharpshooter01: Nothing I was just writing a poem

RedLion2000: Do you think I’m stupid?

Sharpshooter01: No

Sharpshooter01: I think I need to kill myself

RedLion2000: No you don’t. Why would you think you’d need to do something like that?

Sharpshooter01: It’s just too hard for me and Hunk’s parents don’t want me around anymore. I’m more trouble than I’m worth to my parents and my siblings are too young to understand or care. 

RedLion2000: And what about me, Lance? Why would you need to leave me?

RedLion2000: You’re my first ever friend. If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be sitting on my own all the time at school, listening to music all the time so I could pretend I wasn’t alone. You’ve had an amazing impact on my life too and I know you can’t see that. You’ve made me happier too and I don’t know what I would do without you. You never ever fail to put a smile on my face when you try and I think I need you. You’re such an awesome person and I know you don’t see it but I do. I most certainly do see it.

Sharpshooter01: You don’t need to lie to me Red

RedLion2000: I’m not lying

RedLion2000: I love you so much Sharpshooter

Sharpshooter01: I love you too 

RedLion2000: You don’t need to kill yourself. You need to hold on because everything will be okay. I will make sure of it.

Sharpshooter01: Thank you. You’re too good to me

RedLion2000: No. I’m good enough. You deserve much more than you think.

Sharpshooter01: You’re making me blush this is disgusting

RedLion2000: I’m glad I can make you blush ;)

Sharpshooter01: Red’s making me red 

RedLion2000: HA

RedLion2000: Lance I really need to go because Shiro needs somebody to help give him advice on outfits to wear on a date and I’m his only friend. If it gets really bad and you don’t feel safe, don’t be afraid to message me again. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Sharpshooter01: You being a wingman? Considering how awkward you are, I don’t think that’s a good idea

RedLion2000: Shut up! I’ve actually been on plenty of dates

Sharpshooter01: Really?

RedLion2000: Nope. I’ve never been on a single one

Sharpshooter01: Maybe I’ll change that sometime

RedLion2000: You asking me on a date Sharpshooter?

Sharpshooter01: Ew no

Sharpshooter01: I totally just meant I’d help set you up with other guys

RedLion2000: Totally ;)

RedLion2000: See you tomorrow!

Sharpshooter01: See ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I've got some important stuff to say so it would be cool if you read this author's note. I've decided to take a break. I have some really important exams next month that will determine whether I get into the university I want. I need to dedicate more time to revision and that means I will have to stop writing for a bit.
> 
> I might update every so often but I certainly won't be keeping my schedule. This will only be until June 20th (my last exam) so just bear with me and be patient. I'm not giving up on writing and this book WILL be finished eventually! I just need time. I hope you understand :)


	14. Chapter 14

After school the next day, I headed back to my house and not Hunk’s. I shut my front door behind me as quietly as possible before sneaking upstairs in the direction of my room. I would have made it had one of the stairs not let me down and creaked when I put my weight on it. Louisa appeared in the hall, staring at me with wide eyes full of disbelief. “Lance, you’re home!” She opened up her arms and I bashfully ran into them, allowing her to bury her head into my shoulder.

“I’m sorry I left,” I whispered to her. I would apologise to her and my other siblings but my parents didn’t deserve an apology. I planned to ignore them as much as I could. “I had to clear my head for a bit.”

“I heard what happened.” We backed out of the hug and she looked down at our feet. Her voice was shaky and it was my fault. I had made her cry and the guilt was the worst feeling in the world.

“Mum and dad told you..?”

She shook her head, her long hair bouncing as she did so. “I overheard them talking on the phone to Hunk’s parents. Why would you do that?” She glanced up at me through sparkling eyes and I couldn’t help but embrace her a second time. I rubbed her back as she started to cry softly against me.

“I’m sorry, Lou. Mum and dad were driving me crazy and I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to escape. I- I won’t do it again though.”

“You promise?”

As I felt her gripping my shirt with her smaller arms, there was no way I could say no. “I promise.”

-

Seeing my parents was awkward to say the least. My dad came home first and only knew I had come home when Veronica eagerly screamed to him about it. He called me downstairs and I headed into the kitchen, as slow as possible to postpone the reunion. “Lance...” He whispered and, much to my surprise, he engulfed me into a long hug. I didn’t wrap my arms around him, instead pushing him away so we could separate. “I’m so sorry for what I said.”

“You should be.” There was no way he was getting me to apologise. Everything that had happened was his and my mum’s fault; not mine.

“I’m so glad you came home. We were beginning to worry you’d never come home and you can’t leave us, alright?” I shrugged, keeping my words minimal so my mixed emotions weren’t obvious. Part of me was relieved to be home but the others were furious and distraught. “Son, just so you know, I arranged a meeting with your teacher.” Those words were what triggered the emotion. I cracked a tiny smile, hope swelling inside my chest: maybe things would end up okay. “Tomorrow after school.”

“Thanks...” I mumbled, even though he didn’t deserve to be thanked. Arranging a meeting should have been the first thing him and my mum did when they found out about my potential ADHD. We shouldn’t have had to go through fighting and a suicide attempt to get to that point.

-

That night, I tucked Veronica in. She had come into my room, her lips forming a big grin that showed off her teeth. “Tuck me in!” She screamed, jumping up onto my bed. I chuckled at her hyperactivity and wrapped my arms around her, lifting her up and taking her to her room. When I put her back down, she slipped under her covers and grabbed her panda bear. She hugged it tightly against her chest and I smiled softly as I tucked her in. “You can’t leave me, Lance-y. Who was meant to tuck me in when you were gone?”

“I know, V. I just had some things to sort out. I’m back now.” I ran a hand through her short fringe, swallowing thickly as I looked into her wide, innocent eyes.

“You’re never going to leave again?”

“No and that’s a promise.”

As I flicked off the light and closed the door of my little sister’s bedroom, I made a vow to myself. I wouldn’t try to give up again. I was going to keep going for the sake of Louisa. For the sake of Veronica. For the sake of Keith.

-

Sharpshooter01: I’m back home

RedLion2000: You still want to talk like this?

Sharpshooter01: Uh... yeah?

RedLion2000: I thought you might want to stop talking to me after finding out who I was

Sharpshooter01: Why on earth would I do that

Sharpshooter01: If anything, I want to talk to you more

RedLion2000: Really? You aren’t joking?

Sharpshooter01: Yes really and no I’m not joking. You’re cute :P

RedLion2000: ...Thanks

Sharpshooter01: That’s when you’re supposed to say ‘you too’

RedLion2000: You too

Sharpshooter01: Thanks, love you too x

RedLion2000: I hate you

RedLion2000: Also back to the original subject, are you okay now you’re home? How’d you parents react? They aren’t bothering you, are they?

Sharpshooter01: They were happy to see me

RedLion2000: I knew they would be :)

Sharpshooter01: And dad arranged a meeting with my teacher about my potential ADHD. I have to admit that did shock me a bit

RedLion2000: That’s awesome! I knew things would end up okay

Sharpshooter01: Yeah because you know eeeverything :P

RedLion2000: Like I know that you’re cute

Sharpshooter01: Oh damn smooth

Sharpshooter01: U flirting?

RedLion2000: Ew no

Sharpshooter01: :(((

RedLion2000: ...unless you wanted me to flirt with you

Sharpshooter01: Pfft no

Sharpshooter01: ...maybe I did want you to flirt

RedLion2000: In which case

RedLion2000: I did what kids may call a ‘flirt’

Sharpshooter01: Nerd

Sharpshooter01: But cute nerd

RedLion2000: I’ve got to go I’m sorry

Sharpshooter01: Don’t miss me too much

RedLion2000: Trust me, I won’t

-

Keith was going to get me put into a mental asylum. He made me feel like I was walking on air and just thinking about him made me smile and blush. I was sat at my desk, a piece of plain paper in front of me, along with a box of coloured pencils, a rubber and my regular pencil. I picked up the pencil and just started to sketch whatever came to mind.  
It shouldn’t have surprised me when I started to draw out beautiful eyes. Ones that I never failed to get lost in. Then a small, adorable nose and the mullet. I smiled ever so slightly as I finished up the initial sketch and picked up the colouring pencils. 

I liked him. I liked him so much.


	15. Chapter 15

“So we have reasons to be concerned about Lance’s performance in school,” I felt extremely awkward hearing them talk about me as if I wasn’t in the room so I just kept my gaze fixed on my lap. I could feel my mum’s stare burning into the side of my head but I tried my best to ignore it. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine I was somewhere else. Maybe at home on my Xbox or with Keith. Keith. It was weird how just thinking about him could calm me down. “I’ve had a conversation with him and we both think that it is possible he could be suffering with ADHD.” My teacher’s voice was so distant as I was essentially lost inside my own head.

“He said,” I could hear the nerves in my mum’s voice. She didn’t deserve to be nervous. I deserved to be nervous. I inhaled deeply, trying to throw myself back into my calming imagination. I probably looked like an idiot, sitting there with my eyes closed as my parents had a serious conversation about my mental health. “Will this diagnosis hinder him? Will he be treated differently to the other kids?”

“He may get some extra help but that’s all. We’re hoping a diagnosis might lead to Lance learning some methods to keep concentrated in class.”

“What’s going to happen then?”

“Well, the school will find a psychologist for you to see and Lance will be assessed. If they think he suffers with ADHD, he might be referred to a psychiatrist for medication or a therapist.”

“Okay,” My dad spoke up for the first time. I glanced in his direction, escaping my daydream for a second to see his concerned expression. I half expected anger or irritation but he was just... worried. “And this... ADHD... do you know what may have caused it?”

“Short answer: no. There can be multiple causes such as genes or other elements of biology. It may also be-“ And I zoned out again. I distantly felt my mum wrap an arm around me but I remained stiff, keeping my guard up. I only knew to stand up and leave when the arm vanished. My dad sighed and I got up onto my feet, ready to follow my parents out. My teacher was watching me with a curious expression on her face so I glanced down at my shoes. “It will be okay, Lance.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “It will be.” Maybe part of me could finally believe her.

-

Sharpshooter01: Do you think it’s possible to drown in your own tears

Sharpshooter01: Or maybe cry so much you become dehydrated

Sharpshooter01: Because I’m crying so much 

RedLion2000: Lance, what’s wrong?

RedLion2000: Where are you?

Sharpshooter01: At home in bed

RedLion2000: So you’re safe?

Sharpshooter01: Yes Red

RedLion2000: What happened then? What are you thinking about?

Sharpshooter01: I’m going to see a psychologist sometime to get properly diagnosed and my parents didn’t call me a failure at all today :)

RedLion2000: Omg that’s great!

Sharpshooter01: I know! I’m kind of happy for once

RedLion2000: I got really scared when you said you were crying

Sharpshooter01: I’m sorry

Sharpshooter01: Hey, what’s your Snapchat?

RedLion2000: Why?

Sharpshooter01: I want to show you something I drew

RedLion2000: It’s KeithKo12

Sharpshooter01: Noice

-

I opened up my Snapchat app and typed in Keith’s username. I added him as a friend and, a couple of minutes later, Keith added me back. I took a quick photo of the drawing I had done a few nights back and sent it to him. I don’t know why but the time between it being sent and opened was extremely nerve-wracking. I knew I wasn’t an artist in the slightest so the drawing wasn’t of the best quality but what if he hated it? What if he thought I was a creep for drawing him? Before I could send myself into a full-blown panic attack, my phone made a noise. He had responded.

With trembling fingers, I opened up the app again. He had replied with a simple ‘ _cute_ ’ but it still made my cheeks heat up. I couldn’t help but notice he had screenshot the message- either because he loved it or because he hated it and wanted to use it against me in the future. 

In return, I took a selfie whilst holding up the peace sign, captioning it, ‘ _thank you_ ’. I had to admit, it took a couple of pictures before I took one I thought looked good enough. I secretly hoped for a selfie from Keith but he just opened the picture and didn’t respond on Snapchat again.

-

RedLion2000: As cute as you are, I prefer to talk on here

Sharpshooter01: Disappointed that you didn’t send me a selfie ngl

RedLion2000: I look like shit

Sharpshooter01: HAHAHAHAHA you’re joking right

RedLion2000: No?

RedLion2000: And I’m in my pyjamas

Sharpshooter01: Are they My Little Pony or something

RedLion2000: No... they’re just bottoms. I don’t wear a shirt in bed

Sharpshooter01: Even better

RedLion2000: No

Sharpshooter01: Come ooooon

RedLion2000: No

Sharpshooter01: Pleaaaase

RedLion2000: No

Sharpshooter01: Fine *pouts*

-

My phone beeped again from where it was sat beside me and I grinned once I saw it was a Snapchat from Keith. I opened it up and immediately felt the heat rise to my face, specifically my cheeks. Keith was shirtless, as he had warned, and I definitely did not expect his chest to be so toned. It looked like he worked out a lot. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying my hardest not to imagine what it would feel like if I ran my hands up his abs. 

It was hard to pull my mind out of the gutter so I forgot to respond until Keith messaged me again.

-

RedLion2000: Distracted ;)

Sharpshooter01: Huh?

RedLion2000: You disappeared after I sent you my selfie. Why?

Sharpshooter01: My sister needed me

RedLion2000: I believe you

Sharpshooter01: Why would I lie?

RedLion2000: Hmm

Sharpshooter01: What

RedLion2000: Hmm

Sharpshooter01: WHAT

Sharpshooter01: Wait a second

Sharpshooter01: I JUST REALISED WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE BUT I SWEAR I JUST HAD TO HELP MY SISTER DO SOMETHING

RedLion2000: Sure, Sharpshooter

RedLion2000: I totally believe you


	16. Chapter 16

When Keith wasn’t looking at lunch one day, I unzipped his bag as discreetly as possible and slipped the folded paper into it. I don’t think anyone saw me do it. I looked around just to check and Hunk was watching me knowingly. Okay, maybe Hunk saw me but he didn’t need to know what the paper was.

-

Keith didn’t say anything as he opened up the folded paper to show me. I broke out into a cheeky grin as he raised an eyebrow. “When did you put this in my bag?” He questioned and I stifled a small laugh.

“At lunch when you were too busy listening to Pidge speak to notice.”

Keith huffed, staring at the picture for a second. “You’re such a dork.”

“But you love it.” I grinned and Keith elbowed me in the side.

“You’re lucky I kind of do.” Keith’s laugh was the most beautiful sound on the planet. I felt like it had the ability to send the world into peace or cure world hunger or something. I felt a little nauseated as he pulled me into a short hug. “Thank you.”

“It’s alright.” It was so hard to keep my voice steady.

-

“What’s up, Sharpshooter?” I turned at the sound of Keith’s voice just in time to watch him fall into the seat beside me. “I have a question for you.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hunk wink so I just sent him a confused look in return. 

“Shoot.” I muttered. Keith was so close to me that I could feel his arm against mine. People mention butterflies in the stomach when you’re nervous but I felt an entire zoo. My stomach was lurching as an elephant stomped and a bear growled.

“Sharpshooter. Why Sharpshooter?”

“Why RedLion?” I shot back because his question had triggered a curiosity I didn’t know was there inside me.

“Red is my favourite colour and lions are my favourite animal. Simple.”

I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. “Well, I don’t know. My favourite weapon in video games is always the sniper and I’m always accurate with my shots. Hunk randomly called me Sharpshooter when I killed him in Halo once.”

“That’s quite cute.”

“Thanks?” I literally sounded like a teenage boy going through puberty. My voice was so high and I yearned for the floor to open up and swallow me whole. My face was bright red and I knew it, burying my head into my hands to attempt to hide it from my friend.

“I try to compliment you and you just say ‘thanks’ like it’s a question.”

-

“He was trying to flirt you idiot!” Hunk harshly punched my shoulder and I sent him a glare.

“That hurt!” I groaned, rubbing the spot where he had hit. He didn’t appear at all apologetic which hurt a bit. He was supposed to be my best friend, after all (even if Keith was about to knock him off the pedestal). “He wasn’t flirting.”

“He so was,” Pidge chipped in with a cheeky grin. “He was looking at you all loved up.” Pidge did a very exaggerated impression, batting their eyelids and holding a hand over their heart. 

I really wanted him to have been flirting but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. There was no way someone as wonderful and amazing as Keith would like someone as stupid and pathetic as me. I would bet money on him falling for someone much cooler and stronger than me. I wasn’t at all special.

“He doesn’t like me!”

“Yeah, right. Ask him.”

“No!” Maybe I would ask him. Just so I could eliminate the false hope before it got too much.

-

Sharpshooter01: My friends think you like me for some reason haha. Can you just confirm to me that you don’t?

RedLion2000: What put that idea in their heads?

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know! Pidge just said you were staring at me and stuff

RedLion2000: I wasn’t

RedLion2000: Why would I? Ur ugly

Sharpshooter01: Ouch Red that hurt

RedLion2000: I’m joking. You’re actually kind of cute.

Sharpshooter01: Thanks. So they’re wrong?

Sharpshooter01: Red?

RedLion2000: Well... I do like you

Sharpshooter01: As a friend though, yeah?

RedLion2000: Yeah

Sharpshooter01: Okay

Keith had just told me what I had expected him to tell me but I couldn’t help that my heart dropped and all my hope fizzled into dust. I laid my head back against my pillow and stared up at my ceiling, my mind on overdrive.

It hurt so much to imagine him with me, holding my hand and kissing me. I don’t know why I had even had a tiny bit of hope. I was nothing and he was everything. I rolled over, rubbing away the stupid tears that were welling up in my eyes.

-

“Look.” I shoved my phone in Pidge’s face and they started laughing as they scrolled through the conversation. I glared at them for laughing at a situation that was so serious to me.

“He literally called you cute, you idiot.” Hunk retorted, having read the messages over Pidge’s shoulder. I could feel my cheeks going red and both my friends raised their eyebrows at me. I covered my face with my hands before my friends could judge me. At that point, I just constantly hid my face. Love was going to be the death of me.

“Just because he called me ugly as a joke!”

“Well do you like him back?”

“Back suggests he likes me too.” Avoiding questions was my forte and really the only thing I was good at. 

“It’s the most obvious thing on the planet and, if you can’t see it, you’re blinder than Pidge.”

“I am not blind, Hunk! I’ve told you before, these are Matt’s glasses!” Pidge slapped Hunk’s arm rather loudly. It looked painful. Pidge refused to take their brother’s glasses off because, to them, they were an important memento that kept a part of their brother with them all the time. I thought it was really sweet but Hunk tended to tease them about it. “But yes. It’s so obvious.”

I groaned. “So you like him too?” Hunk sounded so hopeful so I sent him another glare as I shook my head. 

“Why would I like Keith?” Who was I trying to kid? I knew it was obvious so I don’t know why I bothered trying to deny it. “He’s- He’s awkward and a know it all. He has a stupid blog dedicated to-“ I clasped a hand over my mouth because I wasn’t meant to tell them about the blog. That was Keith’s biggest secret and I had just let it slip.

“A blog about what?” Pidge questioned, leaning forward in their seat. I knew they weren’t going to let it go so I had to either tell them or make something up.

I decided to go for the truth, even if Keith would hate me for it. “The reason I found him was because I followed his blog on Tumblr. It was basically just really gay and about shipping these characters from a TV show I like.” Pidge barked out a loud laugh, slapping their hand against the table whilst Hunk snorted a little bit.

“Keith has a gay blog?”

“Lance, you told them?” Keith had excellent timing. I had no idea when he had appeared behind me but he was there and he was staring at me as if I had just killed his family or something.

“It slipped out!” 

“I trusted you,” He had gone bright red and it was adorable, to say the least. “I swear if either of you say a word to anyone, I’m going to find you and murder both of you. I’ll make it slow and painful too.”

“We won’t tell.” Hunk swore and Keith looked extremely relieved.

“That’s what Lance said!”

“Hey, in my defence, I was... I was just talking about you and I forgot they didn’t know. It just came out and I didn’t think about it. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine.” It didn’t really seem fine but I didn’t push it. “Just don’t tell them my username or you’ll get murdered too.”

“I won’t tell them and that’s a promise.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel obliged to say that I don’t know much about the process of getting help for mental health issues because my parents never got me help when I told them I thought I was depressed ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ If anything’s inaccurate, point it out and I’ll fix it!

Time moved rather slowly until I had my appointment with the psychologist. I was sat in between my parents in a room that was so bright that it almost hurt my eyes. The woman in front of me had her legs crossed and a small notebook on her lap. She was smiling kindly and had way too much eye shadow around her small eyes. Her over-the-top make up matched the room that was excessively bright in terms of the colour scheme (as well as the actual lighting).

The chair I was sat on was bright blue, contrasting the yellow walls and the red chair that she was sitting on. I had been referred to CAMHS which, if you didn’t know, stood for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. That explained the childish look of the room and the fact that there was a mat on the floor with some toy trains and a couple of dolls on. The first thing the overly kind woman asked was if I wanted my parents in the room.

I glanced at my mum and dad, knowing deep down what I wanted to answer with. They were looking at me and smiling, as if to say it truly was up to me and they didn’t mind. I slowly shook my head and my mum and dad left, probably being taken to the waiting room outside where we had already spent twenty minutes before my appointment.

“Hello, Lance. My name is Mrs Monroe.” I didn’t respond verbally because she was staring at me with eyes full of pity. She seemed nice enough but pity was something I strongly detested. “Why are you here today?”

I already knew that she knew the answer to her own question because it was in my notes. “My teacher thinks that I might have ADHD and she recommended I see you.”

“Okay, well this will all be relatively simple and it won’t take too long. I’m just going to ask you some questions and I need to you answer honestly.” 

I nodded and then the session was in full-swing. It actually passed quickly as it was just me answering questions that were easy to answer. She asked me if I struggled with long projects and if I acted on impulse and other things like that. 

When I left, she waved and told me to ‘stay strong’ in her high-pitched voice. I nodded to her and headed back to the waiting room where my parents were sitting with an ADHD leaflet in their hands. They were trying; I’d give them that.

-

Sharpshooter01: GUESS WHAT

RedLion2000: What

Sharpshooter01: I had a session with a psychologist today. It went really well! I have a follow up soon so we can talk treatments and shit

RedLion2000: Oooh

Sharpshooter01: And my parents are really trying to understand

Sharpshooter01: I caught them reading a leaflet about ADHD :”)

RedLion2000: Aww

Sharpshooter01: So yeah

Sharpshooter01: That’s a thing

Sharpshooter01: Ya boi’s mentally inept

RedLion2000: That doesn’t make you inept

Sharpshooter01: I can’t concentrate for more than five minutes. I’d say that makes me mentally inept.

RedLion2000: Shut up

Sharpshooter01: K

RedLion2000: I’m sorry but I need to go

RedLion2000: Shiro needs wingman

Sharpshooter01: Haha good luck. Byeeeee

-

I was asked to stay back in my next Geography lesson. I had been expecting it because I hadn’t talked to my teacher in a while and I was sure she was about to ask about my ADHD. She perched on the edge of her desk as I took a seat at a desk nearer the front. “So... how are things?” She asked with a small smile on her face.

I let out a small sigh and nodded, mumbling, “Things are good.”

“What’s the progress with your ADHD examination?”

“I went to see a psychologist not too long ago and they said that I showed some symptoms and they just needed me to do a physical examination to rule some other stuff out. I have a meeting with a psychiatrist next week.”

“That’s awesome! And how are you feeling in general? Are you happy?”

“Yeah, I- I guess I am.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“No, no I’m fine. It’s just... a lot, you know?” I glanced upwards and met her eyes. “But I’ve met somebody and yeah. He’s making me feel better.”

“Oh, yeah. Is this a friend?”

“Yeah... yeah he is.”

“I’m glad you’re doing good, Lance. If you ever need to talk, my door’s always open.”

“Thanks, Miss.”

-

Sharpshooter01: Hey

RedLion2000: I’m kind of playing video games intensely so can’t talk

Sharpshooter01: Call me then boi

RedLion2000: I don’t have your number

RedLion2000: And you’ll just hear me grunting and muttering swear words

Sharpshooter01: Sounds hot

RedLion2000: Shut up

RedLion2000: But I’ll give you my number anyway

My stomach did a somersault as his number appeared on my screen. I took a long, deep breath and gave myself a quick mental pep talk before calling the number.

The entire time the phone spent ringing, I was nervous. I was tapping a beat onto my bed covers and, although no sound was being released, it still managed to calm me down slightly. I was humming to myself too, just so I didn’t have to listen to the ringing. My heart was beating fast enough to substitute for a drum in my mini number of humming. “Hey,” Keith eventually muttered but he sounded distant. I assumed he had me on loudspeaker and was too focused on whatever game he was playing. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good. You?”

“I’m- uh- alright.” Things went silent other than the sound of him pressing buttons so I closed my eyes to listen to his steady breathing. It was probably borderline creepy but his breathing and the almost rhythmic way he was pressing the buttons was actually kind of relaxing. Then Keith let out a harsh grunt. I chewed on my lip as I tempted my mind to go anyway but the gutter it was heading for. “Ah- fucking... yes!”

“Are you okay there?” I laughed but it was shaky. He went silent for a couple of seconds and I was slightly afraid he had noticed the quiver in my laugh.

“Yeah. I just killed someone I have been trying to kill for forever.”

“Good to know, my friend is a crazy killing machine.”

“But you love me.”

“Of course I do,” I thought I sounded a bit too gay so I added, “Dude.” Hopefully Keith wouldn’t get too suspicious about how dazed I sounded because I really didn’t want to lose him. Not after everything we had gone through together.

Grunt. My cheeks were quickly heating up. “I love you too.” Grunt. 

The entire call was torture but it was totally worth it to hear his voice.

-

Sharpshooter01: Your grunts haha

RedLion2000: What about them??

Sharpshooter01: Cute 

RedLion2000: ...thanks?

Sharpshooter01: No problem

RedLion2000: Sorry I couldn’t talk properly

Sharpshooter01: Ha I think the grunting was better than talking

RedLion2000: 0_o

RedLion2000: Why do you like my grunting so much

I glanced at the message and gnawed on my bottom lip. With quivering fingers, I told him the truth, disguised with sarcasm.

Sharpshooter01: It totally turned me on

RedLion2000: Sharpshooter don’t joke

Sharpshooter01: WhAt If I wAsN’t JoKiNg

RedLion2000: LANCE

Sharpshooter01: That’s my name

RedLion2000: Stop it

Sharpshooter01: I’m not joking

RedLion2000: You aren’t even gay, right?

Sharpshooter01: Bro

Sharpshooter01: I’m bi

RedLion2000: Okay cool I’m gay

Sharpshooter01: ...yay

RedLion2000: Why yay

Sharpshooter01: I told you before

Sharpshooter01: You’re cute

RedLion2000: As are you

Sharpshooter01: Random question

RedLion2000: Shoot

Sharpshooter01: Do you want to come over after school tomorrow?

RedLion2000: Uh... sure

Sharpshooter01: Actually I need to ask my parents first

RedLion2000: Go ask then

Sharpshooter01: K

-

Sharpshooter01: My mum said you could come over as long as we look after my siblings. I hope you don’t mind that

RedLion2000: I don’t mind

Sharpshooter01: Okay cool

Sharpshooter01: I should go. My little brother’s calling me


	18. Chapter 18

“Come on in,” I said as I stepped to the side to allow Keith into my house. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

“It’s very... humble.” Keith mumbled, glancing around the house. It wasn’t humble at all: it was a mess and I knew it. My dad was a bit of a slob and didn’t know what it meant to put something away. Because of that, there were a couple of pillows on the floor in the living room, a dressing gown sat in a lump on the sofa and at least four glasses scattered around the room.

“I’m sorry for the mess,” He shrugged but I still felt embarrassed. I bet his house was squeaky clean. I headed upstairs and away from the mess with Keith behind me. I opened up my door and we both sat down on my bed. We were so close that I almost forgot how to breathe. In that moment, I noticed more mess than I would usually notice. One of my books was out of its place. My pyjama bottoms weren’t folded neatly on my desk. A pen was abandoned on top of a textbook and not in its usual place in the pen pot. “What do you want to do then?” I asked because it already felt awkward and he had hardly been in my house five minutes.

“I don’t know. You invited me over.”

“Okay. How about...” I glanced around for anything to do. I had a couple of board games under my bed but I hated board games. They took up too much time and I lost interest within minutes. I had an old Wii sat below my television but it had just been collecting dust since Louisa had decided she was too cool to play Just Dance with her big brother. My eyes settled on my Xbox. “Call of Duty?”

“Uh... sure.” I reached over and grabbed the pair of remotes sat on my bedside table, handing one over to Keith. The game was already in the console from when I had played it the other day so all I had to do was turn it on.

“Have you played it before?”

“Duh.”

Just as we were about to start the game, Luis made an appearance. “Lance!” He called and I rolled my eyes, asking him what was wrong. “I’m hungry.”

I let out a loud sigh. “Can’t you ask Louisa for something?” I know I sounded irritated but Luis was wasting my precious time with Keith.

“She said I was annoying and to ask you.”

“Fine, I’ll go get you something.” I sent Keith an apologetic look and left him to sit in my room awkwardly whilst I grabbed Luis a snack.

When I returned, Louisa was sat on my bed beside Keith who was as red as a tomato. “Stop torturing my friend, Louisa!” I complained and the girl just let out a soft laugh.

“I’m not torturing him. I was just asking him some questions.”

“Get out.” Louisa rolled her eyes and then winked before leaving the room again. “Gosh, my family are so annoying. I’m so sorry. What was she saying to you?”

“Nothing...” Keith responded but it was obviously something, considering he was blushing and staring at his lap. I sat down beside him and we were finally able to start the game.

He thrashed me. In my defence, I was distracted by the fact that our thighs were touching. I could literally feel his body radiating heat and it was making me nervous. So my reaction times were off. “I thought you were meant to be Sharpshooter.” Keith commented as I died in the game for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I’m distracted!” I yelled without really thinking. He paused, furrowing his eyebrows and turning to look at me. Our eyes met- his confused and clouded and mine dazed- and it just felt like the perfect moment. My head inched forward and maybe I was hallucinating but it seemed like his did too. Then... our lips touched.

My heart was beating a mile a minute. His lips were much softer than I had imagined them being and he was actually kissing back. My brain just melted so much that it took me a moment to realise that his hands were in my hair. His hands were in my hair. We pulled back for a breath but resumed kissing a few seconds later. My hands slipped beneath his shirt and I was finally feeling that amazing chest I had seen in his selfie.

We pulled back again. “Shit Lance,” He was breathing heavily; as was I. I was so tempted to lean forward and kiss him a third time because it felt amazing. It felt like fireworks were exploding in my stomach and I was dancing on cloud-nine or something. Words couldn’t describe just how good it felt. “What are we doing?”

“Making out..?” I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It kind of was.

“I need to go...” Keith then stood up and rushed out of the room before I could form the words to stop him. His controller was left abandoned on the spot where he had been sitting and it was still warm when I numbly turned the Xbox off and put it away.

I had messed it up and I knew it as I fell face-first onto my bed and groaned.

-

Sharpshooter01: Red?

Sharpshooter01: Keith?

Sharpshooter01: Please respond

Sharpshooter01: I’m sorry for kissing you

Sharpshooter01: It was a mistake

RedLion2000: You think it was a mistake?

Sharpshooter01: You obviously do because you walked out afterwards

RedLion2000: Did you think it was a mistake?

Sharpshooter01: Well... no but if you don’t like me in that way it’s okay

RedLion2000: I’m sorry I left so abruptly

Sharpshooter01: You should be. You made me panic

Sharpshooter01: I thought you hated me or something haha...

RedLion2000: I could never hate you

Sharpshooter01: Then why was kissing me so bad?

RedLion2000: Because...

Sharpshooter01: ??

RedLion2000: You deserve better, okay?

Sharpshooter01: I do not

RedLion2000: Yeah you do

Sharpshooter01: No I don’t

Sharpshooter01: You’re perfect to me... and you’re literally the only person who makes me feel special. Ever since I messaged you for the first time, I cared about you lot and I felt like you cared about me too

RedLion2000: I do care about you. A lot.

RedLion2000: I’m just scared to get close to people, you know? I’ve never properly opened up to someone like you since my dad died and that’s terrifying

Sharpshooter01: Yeah, I get that but you can trust me. I won’t ever hurt you and that’s a promise 

RedLion2000: Meet me at Starbucks tomorrow after school

Sharpshooter01: Okay. I assume we’ll talk more about this then?

RedLion2000: Yeah

Sharpshooter01: Okay, see you then Red :)

RedLion2000: See ya Sharpshooter

-

“Hey, mum and dad...” I said as casually as possible, perching down on the sofa beside my mum. She was just on her laptop and my dad was watching TV so I was hardly interrupting anything. “Can I go out after school tomorrow to meet my friend?”

“We need you to look after your brothers and sisters so... no.” My dad answered and I furrowed my eyebrows and batted my eyelids, in attempt to recreate Veronica’s ‘puppy dog eyes’. Apparently ‘puppy dog eyes’ were ineffective when done by a seventeen year old boy.

“But aren’t Marco and Louisa old enough to look after Veronica and Luis?”

“No, they are not.”

“Please...”

“No, Lance.”

“But I need to see him,” I was full on whining at that point and I knew it. Keith should be grateful that I was willing to beg in order for us to meet. “I have looked after them every day for ages. One day off can’t be that big a deal.”

“Will you just take no as an answer?”

“Can he come over at least?”

“He can come over but you are not going out.” I held back a groan as I headed upstairs. 

I knew Louisa and Marco were old enough to look after Luis and Veronica so I didn’t understand why my parents were so adamant that they weren’t. It was unfair of me to have to look after them all the time when I was just a kid too and I deserved to be making the most out of my teenage years. I sighed as I laid down on my bed and grabbed my phone to tell Keith about the change of plans.

-

Sharpshooter01: So I can’t come to Starbucks tomorrow

RedLion2000: Oh... why?

Sharpshooter01: My parents won’t let me. I need to babysit.

RedLion2000: That sucks so bad

Sharpshooter01: I know... but you can come here again

RedLion2000: Okay

Sharpshooter01: Hey, I have a random question

RedLion2000: You always have random questions

Sharpshooter01: I do

Sharpshooter01: What was Louisa asking you about when I came back into the room and you looked all flustered

RedLion2000: She thought we were secretly dating haha

Sharpshooter01: Oh

RedLion2000: Yeah. It was so awkward

Sharpshooter01: I apologise for my sister


	19. Chapter 19

Keith and I walked home from school together. Neither of us said much because we were both feeling awkward and wanted to wait until we were completely alone to bring up the dreaded subject. When we walked into my house, I pulled him into the living room. I called for Luis and Veronica who came running down the stairs at such a speed that made me wonder how they had so much energy. “I’m going to put on a movie. Which one?” I asked and Veronica squealed, her eyes lighting up.

“The Spongebob Movie!” She screamed but Luis cried out and shook his head in disagreement.

“WALL-E!” Luis screeched, attempting (and failing) to do an impression of the robot. Keith chuckled from where he was standing beside me.

“I think Veronica chose last time so I’m going to put on WALL-E, alright?” I bent down to the DVD player and inserted the disc for the two children. “Now I don’t want you to bother me until it’s over, alright? You can bother Louisa and Marco as much as you want but not me. You got it?” Both children nodded and I smirked as the movie began to play and I took Keith upstairs.

We sat down on my bed again and I muttered, “That should keep them quiet for a while.”

“Let’s get straight onto the topic and not avoid it.” Keith started, his face paling. He looked like he was about to be sick. I suppose talking about emotions is hard for a boy who had avoided showing his feelings for so much of his life. “So I like you. You like me.”

“Are we singing the Barney theme song?” That elicited a tiny laugh from Keith and I felt slightly relieved that I was able to lighten the mood.

“No. Well, I- Lance... do you maybe want to- I don’t know- be my boyfriend?”

My face lit up like the sun and my mouth fell open. I didn’t realise I was just staring at him until he repeated my name and poked my shoulder. Never had I imagined that Keith would like me back so I was just in shock. All those nights I had spent lying in bed, wondering if he had liked me back... had he done the same? I couldn’t imagine Keith pining over me... boring, pathetic me. “Yes!” I ended up shouting slightly too enthusiastically. 

Keith grinned and cupped my chin with his rough hands. I closed my eyes and we shared a long kiss.

-

Sharpshooter01: Redshooter2001

RedLion2000: What??

Sharpshooter01: That’s our ship name

Sharpshooter01: Alternatively Klance

RedLion2000: Both are cute enough

Sharpshooter01: Wait question

RedLion2000: Answer

Sharpshooter01: Who are you out to?

RedLion2000: About being gay?

Sharpshooter01: Yep

RedLion2000: ...You. I don’t give a shit if the school find out though

Sharpshooter01: Ah same. Well Hunk and Pidge know of course

RedLion2000: Yeah

RedLion2000: I think I might come out to my family tonight

Sharpshooter01: Oh really?

RedLion2000: Yeah

Sharpshooter01: Good luck! Don’t feel forced to, even though I’m sure everything will be fine

RedLion2000: :)

-

RedLion2000: Can I call you?

Sharpshooter01: Yeah

“You alright?” I immediately asked, laying back down on my bed. I was facing the ceiling but my eyes were closed and Keith was on loudspeaker so I could imagine he was lying beside me.

“Yeah! I came out to my foster parents, Lance!” He was practically squealing and, although it was the most peculiar noise I had ever heard from a human, I couldn’t help but grin. “They were so happy for me and immediately started asking if I was dating anybody. I told them about you.”

“That’s awesome! I knew it would be fine!”

“I’m so happy. I just- I never imagined this day.” Keith sounded like he was on cloud-nine and it was really nice to hear. Knowing he was happy was enough to make me happy. I could almost picture him lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a dazed expression on his face.

“One day I’ll be able to tell- Marco!” I screamed as the younger boy entered my room without warning.

“Is everything okay?” Keith questioned, sounding rather confused at my random outburst of my brother’s name. His voice was kind of hoarse and Marco’s face lit up with a dark grin.

“Is this your boyfriend, Lance?” He asked and I felt my face heat up. I shook my head and sent him a glare that probably had the ability to murder someone.

“No. He’s just my friend.”

“Yeah, yeah... anyways, I need to borrow an Xbox remote. Mine broke.”

“What did you do this time?”

“I may have thrown it at the wall... again.” Marco threw one of his controllers against his bedroom wall at least once a week. Our parents had long since stopped bothering with shouting at him for it because it inevitably happened. Video games just made Marco rage and he couldn’t exactly help it. Our parents weren’t about to confiscate his Xbox either.

“You’re violent. I swear, if you break this one, I will break you.” I reached over to grab my spare remote before passing it over to Marco.

“Say hi to your boyfriend for me!” He yelled as he walked out of the room. He was lucky he moved so fast or I would have throttled him right there and then.

“Marco!” I shouted instead, just so he knew I was irritated enough to hunt him down and murder him later.

“Why does he think I’m your boyfriend? I mean it’s true but he doesn’t know that, right?” Keith asked in between laughs. He was hysterical on the other side of the phone whilst I was hoping the ground would open up and swallow me. His laughs were really adorable but no one needed to know that.

“Because we text a lot, I guess.”

“There aren’t any other reasons?”

“Well... maybe I kind of blush when you text me sometimes but that’s only because we talk about weird, embarrassing stuff!”

“Uh huh?” Keith was definitely teasing me. I mentally begged Marco to come back into my room and punch me or just give me the sweet release of death. Death sounded like the most appealing thing on earth. “You sure it isn’t because you love me?” He was putting on a high pitched voice like the sort a mother would put on when talking to their newborn baby. I scowled even though I knew he couldn’t see me.

“Shut up. Why would I love you?”

“Because I’m your boyfriend,” I stayed silent so he quietly added, “And I’m cute.”

“You are not!”

“Yes, I am. You told me so a million times but the one time that stands out was when we first met face-to-face. Lance loves me!” He retorted to singing his words and I knew very well my face was the colour of a ripe tomato.

“We’ve been together like a day-“

“Lance! I’m hungry...” I rolled my eyes a little and glanced to the door where Veronica was standing with a pout on her face. She was hugging her teddy bear against her chest because she literally never let that thing go. I had never loved my sister more. She had saved me from Keith’s teasing and the shed loads of embarrassment that came with it.

“Red, I’ve got to go. My sister wants food. I’m really sorry that we’re always being interrupted by my siblings.”

“It’s alright,” He laughed in response. “Talk tomorrow.”

“Of course.” A smile crept onto my face as I jumped up onto my feet and took Veronica's smaller hand into my own.


	20. Chapter 20

“Hunk!” I practically screamed, running up to my two best friends with a wide grin on my face that basically emanated positivity. Pidge was staring at me with narrow eyebrow that could have been displaying a small amount of concern. “Hunk, Hunk, Hunk!”

“Lance!” Hunk responded with an equal amount of excitement. At least he reciprocated it.

“Keith and I are dating!”

“Really?” Hunk yelled at the exact same time as Pidge muttered, “Well fuck!”

“Yes! We definitely didn’t make out a little. We talked about it afterwards and he came over yesterday.”

“You didn’t?!”

“We totally did. He was all like ‘I’m scared of getting close to people’ and I was like ‘I won’t hurt you, I promise’ and then it happened!” For some reason, when I repeated what I could remember of Keith’s words, I lowered my voice a couple octaves. His voice was deep but not that deep. At least it elicited a snort from Pidge. At least someone appreciated my stupid humour.

“That’s great, bro. I’m so proud of you but I need to know... who initiated the making out?”

“Uh... I think it might have been me? I don’t remember because it was all in the moment and I just started moving my head towards his and-“

“Hey guys!” Keith appeared beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I could feel the heat raising to my cheeks and Pidge and Hunk had smirks on their faces that I hated so much. “What were you talking about?”

I was a bit too flustered to respond so Hunk said, “Nothing!” and Pidge yelled, “Anime!” I don’t think they could have made it look any more suspicious.

“Okay...” Keith glanced between us all and I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out. Once I got enveloped into a conversation with Keith, I saw Pidge roll her eyes and hand over a £5 note to Hunk. I couldn’t believe it. They had bet on my love life. Actually, I could believe it because they were Hunk and Pidge.

-

“Did you bet on me and Keith?!” I asked in a hushed whisper, leaning over my English table. Hunk let out a breathy laugh but pretended not to listen. He was just writing the notes down and looking between the board and his exercise book. My page was blank but I was too focused on Hunk to care. “Hunk, answer me you idiot.” I punched his arm harshly, making his hand budge and draw a long line across the page. He stared at the mess on his page and pouted before finally responding.

“We so did. I bet that you’d make the first move.” I sent a glare in his direction and he was biting his lip so that he didn’t laugh and draw the teacher’s attention. “Hey, you should be honoured that I thought you’d be brave enough to kiss him first.”

“I’m not honoured because it’s my love life and you shouldn’t be getting involved in it.”

“I’m only getting involved because I’m your best friend and that’s what best friends do. You and Pidge would have done the same if I liked someone.”

“True.”

-

Sharpshooter01: My two idiot best friends bet on us wtf

RedLion2000: ??

Sharpshooter01: Hunk bet Pidge I’d make the first move

RedLion2000: HAHA WOW

RedLion2000: But I made the first move

Sharpshooter01: No you didn’t?? I did??

RedLion2000: No... you were just looking crazily cute and I couldn’t help but kiss you

Sharpshooter01: No fuck off. YOU were the one looking cute so I couldn’t help but kiss YOU

RedLion2000: No no no

RedLion2000: I kissed you first

Sharpshooter01: No I kissed you first

Sharpshooter01: Why does it matter though?

RedLion2000: It just does! You’re only asking that because you know I kissed you first

Sharpshooter01: Let’s drop the subject

RedLion2000: I so kissed you first but okay

Sharpshooter01: -.-

RedLion2000: :P

Sharpshooter01: On a different note. I got a prescription for ADHD meds

RedLion2000: That took a long time, didn’t it?

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know?

Sharpshooter01: I mean, I guess it’s a long process? I had to go and see a psychiatrist the other week

RedLion2000: Oh? How’d that go?

Sharpshooter01: Fine haha

RedLion2000: Good good

Sharpshooter01: My mum and dad have been surprisingly nice about it

RedLion2000: That’s good

Sharpshooter01: Yeah

Sharpshooter01: Ya boi’s going to be on drugs soon

-

“I’m going to tell my parents tonight.” I muttered out of the blue. Keith stared at me as if I was insane. We were currently sat in his bedroom, watching a movie together. He had his arm wrapped around me and we were sitting so close that I could hear his light breathing. I don’t think I would ever not feel happy about him. There was just something about him that made me feel all giddy.

“You think that’s a good idea...?” He whispered, keeping his voice low as if he was afraid I’d lash out at him. I frowned, glancing down at the bowl of popcorn on my lap. The characters in the movie were currently screaming so Keith paused it whilst we talked.

“Well yeah. They’ve been super accepting about my ADHD since the argument so...”

“But you know how they reacted initially.”

“Do you think they won’t accept me?”

“I don’t know. I just want you to be safe,” Keith laced our hands together. His were much rougher than mine because I had a tendency to care for my skin. I liked it moisturised and soft so I used hand cream almost every day. “I don’t want a repeat of what happened before.”

“I know you don’t but I’ll be fine.”

“Just remember I’m here if you need to talk. You can call me or text me whenever. If it’s that bad, you can even come over.”

I nodded slowly, just as someone barged into the room. Keith went bright red but didn’t separate our hands or remove his arm from its place around me. The guy who had walked in was tall and looked relatively stern. His face softened up when he saw that we were cuddling. In all honesty, I had no idea who he was but he seemed scary. “This is Lance...” Keith mumbled and the person’s eyes widened. His face also lit up and the happy expression looked almost foreign against his sharp features.

“So this is the famous Lance! It’s nice to finally meet you,” He shoved his hand out in front of me so I leaned forward and shook it. His hands were somehow even rougher than Keith’s. “I’m Shiro, Keith’s more awesome and successful older brother.”

Oh yeah. I vaguely remembered Keith telling me about him. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

My phone began to buzz in my back pocket so I pulled it out to see my mum’s caller ID. “Looks like I should be heading off.”

“See you.” Despite his brother standing in the room, Keith leaned forward and pressed a kiss into my cheek.


	21. Chapter 21

It all came crashing down as soon as the words, “I need to tell you something” came out of my mouth. My mum and dad were sat together on one sofa whilst I stood in front of them. I couldn’t help but pace and continuously rub my clammy palms against the material of my skinny jeans. My heart was racing and I wondered if I was about to have a panic attack or something. They were looked at me with thin, interrogating eyes. I must have looked like I was insane, especially when my voice sounded like the most pathetic thing on the universe. “Please don’t interrupt me and just... listen.” My mum nodded. My dad stayed still and didn’t say anything. “So I’m bisexual and I-“

So much for not interrupting me because my dad jumped up onto his feet and began to stare me down. “You just continuously let us down. Is this all a game to you or something?”

“No, dad, I-“ He stepped forward so I stepped back. I don’t know what I had expected him to do but, in that moment, I was terrified.

“First all that ADHD malarkey and now you’re gay?”

“Bi actually-“

“Just shut your mouth for one second. I know I asked this before but what makes you want this much attention? Don’t you think you’ve made enough of a mess of our lives already?” I gulped, backing up further. My mum was silent but she didn’t look impressed either. She was avoiding my gaze, just staring at our feet as she listened to what my dad was saying to me.

“Don’t you give a shit about my happiness? All I want is for me and everyone around me to be happy but every time I try to open up to you, you just start having a go at me about stupid things. I already know I’m useless and a mess but you don’t need to remind me!”

All my dad had to say about that was, “Language.” The fact that he didn’t have a valid argument just fuelled the fire inside my chest.

“That’s all you pick up on? This isn’t easy for me either. I think you should actually care about me for once.”

“We do care about you, Lance.” My mum finally spoke up. Her eyes were sparkling with tears but I refused to acknowledge them.

“You obviously don’t! Why don’t you tell me you love me? That you accept me for who I am for once? Having ADHD and being bisexual isn’t something I can just change, alright? I didn’t choose to be this way.”

My mum and dad exchanged a look that was impossible to read. “We do love you, Lance but this... this isn’t right.”

“This isn’t right? You know what really isn’t right? My parents looking down on me all the time and not accepting me. You’re meant to love me unconditionally but no. You don’t love me at all and it hurts. It fucking hurts.” My guard was crumbling and tears were welling up in my eyes so quickly that I couldn’t possibly blink them all away.

“We just don’t understand why you’d... want this...”

“Maybe I don’t want it. I never asked for ADHD, did I? And, as for being bisexual, I couldn’t care less. What’s so wrong with liking dudes, huh?”

“It’s abnormal, Lance.” My mum sounded like she was going to cry so I glared at her. I don’t think the anger was put across when I was on the verge of crying.

“It isn’t abnormal! Just be happy for me for being comfortable to say who I am. I could be a serial killer or a complete nutcase but I’m not. I like guys and that will never ever hurt you. I don’t see why you need to make it such a big deal.”

“I don’t... I think this is a phase, Lance. For some reason you’ve just wanted to be the centre of attention for the last few weeks and, once this is over, you’re going to say you’re straight again. You’ll get over this and find a girl to settle down with.”

I let out a loud cry, finally opening up the dam. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks whilst my parents just watched. “It isn’t a phase! This- This is who I am and- and if you can’t accept it-“

“Then what?” My mum’s voice was soft. Falsely soft.

“I don’t know. I don’t know, mum. I’m not going to change just because you want me to. I- I’ve fallen in love with somebody, okay? His name’s Keith and he’s my world. He makes me a million times as happy as you do.”

“Go to your room. Your mother and I will discuss what we should do about this.” With one final glance into my dad’s infuriated eyes. I let out a choked sob and left the room but didn’t turn in the direction of the stairs to my room. Instead, I walked out the front door and slammed it so hard behind me that I could have sworn the house shook. I couldn’t even warn Keith because my phone was dead and sat on my desk in my bedroom. There was no way in hell I was turning back just to get it so I was planning on knocking on Keith’s door, unexpected.

The tears cleared up about halfway there and I just began to feel numb. When I stood in front of his door, I furiously wiped my eyes to try and hide the fact that I had been crying. I raised my fist and knocked, praying Keith would be the one to answer. Just to my luck, Shiro answered.

“Lance? Are you alright?” He questioned, skipping the greeting because he could obviously see how much of a mess I was. I shook my head rapidly, unable to speak in case it set off another round of tears. I didn’t want to break down in front of Keith’s older brother. Shiro invited me in before calling Keith downstairs. When Keith saw me, he embraced me into a long hug and I immediately started sobbing into his shoulder.

“They didn’t take it well?” He simply asked and I shook my head again. That time it was because I was shaking and sobbing so much that speaking was almost impossible.

“Sorry to intrude but would Lance like a hot chocolate? I make a mean hot chocolate and mum bought some whipped cream the other day.” I smiled in gratitude to Shiro as Keith nodded for me. I was sure I looked like a complete mess, smiling through tears but neither of them seemed to care. Keith pulled me over to his sofa and we sat down beside each other. He let me lie my head on top of his lip as he played with my hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I just wanted to see you.” My voice surely was broken. It was like a pretty vase that had been smashed into a million pieces, never to be fixed again.

When Shiro brought two hot chocolates into the room, Keith muttered a small, “Thanks.” He had been a bit generous with the whipped cream and marshmallows but I wasn’t exactly complaining. Sugar was what I needed.

“Talk to me,” I mumbled quietly.

“About what?”

“Anything... Anything.”

“Okay...” He went silent as he contemplated what to say. “The first time you messaged me, I had been having a bit of a shitty day too. I had gotten a B on my physics paper-”

“A B? That’s a literal miracle in my books. You nerd.” I chuckled but even my laugh sounded broken and fake.

“Yeah well, physics is my favourite class so I was upset about it. Also, some kid was being rude to me. And my water bottle had leaked in my bag which ruined some of my stuff.”

“That sucks...”

“Yeah... it was one of those days where you regret ever getting out of bed. Then you messaged me and... I was just so happy to help you. When you said you wouldn’t give up, I was ecstatic which I know sounds weird because I didn’t know you but it’s true. I’ve always felt invisible so to know I was able to help somebody made me happy and, well, proud of myself.”

“I was glad you helped me too. You were just so nice, even though my problems were really petty.”

“They weren’t petty,” I shut my eyes as he continued to thread his fingers through my hair. “I’m glad you messaged me though. Things would be so different if you hadn’t and just...” His breath hitched and

I swallowed thickly, guilt swirling in the pit of my chest.

“I doubt I’d have given up... I was just being dramatic.”

“I don’t know, Lance...” We went silent for a moment as he played with my hair. He started to hum after a few seconds of silence and I wasn’t sure if it was subconscious or not. With my eyes closed, I was worried I would fall asleep. “Hey, can you sit up so we can drink our hot chocolates?” The moment was broken but I didn’t say anything as I sat up and we both reached for our mugs. I couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my face when I saw his had a Pikachu on. I took a bite out of the large pile of cream and Keith laughed at me. “You have a bit of a moustache.” I reached up to wipe it away but, before I could, Keith had kissed it away.

“You’re so cliché. It makes me feel sick.”

“Would you rather I was an utter dickhead?” I pouted, sipping at the drink. I felt the warmth travel down my throat as I swallowed it and, at that moment, I decided Shiro was the king of hot chocolates.

“This is the best hot chocolate I have ever tasted.” I couldn’t help the tiny moan that escaped my lips as I continued to drink more. I leant my head against Keith’s shoulder, breathing softly as I gripped the mug in my hands.

“Stop making those sounds.”

“Why?” Keith went bright head so I stuck my tongue out at him. “You can’t handle my sexiness.”

“Yes, Lance. That is definitely why I don’t want you moaning in my family home.” My dodgy relationship with my parents made me feel empty inside but Keith was the missing piece that finally made me feel complete. Nothing was perfect but were things ever completely perfect?


	22. Chapter 22

I was about to leave for school when my mum and dad called me back. I turned to face them with raised eyebrows to tell them to hurry up with whatever they had to say. “We talked about what you said yesterday and we decided that you need... you need to be punished, Lance.”

“Are you actually being serious right now?” I wasn’t angry. I was just surprised.

My mum held out her hand, a stern expression on her face. “Give me your phone, please.”

“Hell no!” It came out much louder than I had anticipated but I didn’t care. My phone was sat in the back pocket of my jeans and it was going to stay there.

“Lance. This is for the best. You’ll soon come to realise that this is just a phase and this boy you’re talking to has poisoned your mind.”

“You don’t know shit about what’s best for me! Keith makes me happy and I hope you know taking my phone away won’t stop me from seeing him.” Remembering Luis was upstairs, I toned down my yelling ever so slightly. I didn’t want to upset him on top of everything else.

“You’re going to come straight home from school every day too. No going out. Not even on weekends anymore.”

“So you’re taking away my freedom?” I was still in the phase of shock, yet to fully register the punishment and become angry.

“No, we’re looking out for you. In the future, you will thank us.”

“I hate both of you. I wish I had different parents.”

I turned to storm out but my dad grabbed my arm and spoke up again. His grip on my wrist was harsh and my head snapped around to face him. “Phone.”

I glared at them but reluctantly handed my phone over. “Fuck you.” I muttered before properly storming out and stomping my feet on the way like some toddler amidst a tantrum. The anger finally kicked in and I had a strong urge to punch something.

-

As soon as I saw Keith, I grabbed his arm (admittedly I was a bit too rough) and dragged him into the toilets. Thankfully they were empty so I could just break down in front of him. He was speechless as I just gripped his shirt and cried into his shoulder. It took him a long moment but he did, eventually, wrap his arms around me and start to rub my back.

“What happened?” He mumbled once I had calmed down a little.

“They don’t want me to see you. They took away my phone and- and said I’m not allowed out anymore. They think you put it in my head that I wasn’t straight and this is all a phase.” I was sobbing so the sentences were broken up and took much longer than needed to come out but Keith was patient. He listened to each and every one of my words and continued to hold onto me.

“That’s stupid but they won’t stop me from seeing you.”

“I know... but- but I’m so angry! How could they do this if they loved me?”

“I don’t know, Sharpshooter. I really don’t.”

“I need to punch something.” My hands were clenched into fists at my sides and I was breathing heavily, only seeing the colour red.

“Don’t.” Keith simply whispered but it didn’t stop me from sending my fist flying into the bathroom wall. A satisfying crack filled the room and pain flooded into my arms. It felt good, even if my hand felt like it was on fire. “Shit, Lance... You need to go to the nurse.”

I glanced at my messed up hand and just nodded, mumbling a tiny, “O-Okay.” The fury had fizzled away for the most part as soon as I managed to punch something.

-

Keith dragged me to the nurse whilst I just numbly stared ahead. When we got there, someone was sitting outside her office with a cardboard sick bowl. Keith raised his hand to knock because the hand I usually used to knock was in a lot of pain. The nurse opened the door with a small smile, asking how she could possibly help us.

I stayed silent so Keith took it upon himself to answer. “Lance hurt his hand. He punched the wall in the bathroom.” He muttered and the nurse looked mildly shocked.

“Why would you do that? Your fist is no match for a brick wall.” I shrugged and the nurse ushered me to a seat. Once we were both sat down, she started to examine my hand. “Can you bend your fingers for me?” As much as I tried, I could not. With each attempt, the pain got all the more intense. After a few minutes and a few more questions, she came to a conclusion. “You need to go to the hospital. I think it’s broken or at least sprained.”

-

My dad was not happy that I had interrupted his work. He didn’t say a word as he directed me to the car and set off for the hospital. I kept my gaze fixed on my lap as he angrily stared ahead with a grip on the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white. When we arrived, he continued with his silence until we were at the reception desk. He mumbled whatever the school had told him and we sat down in the waiting room.

Everyone knows how long waits can be in hospitals so I didn’t expect to be called in after five minutes. “Dad..?” I decided to start after about half an hour of awkward waiting but all it did was earn me a harsh glare. “Dad, please talk to me.”

“You want me to talk to you? Fine. I’m so disappointed in you, Lance. You just- You just keep doing these stupid things so you get attention and it’s ridiculous. Why would you punch a wall if it wasn’t to get someone to notice you?” His voice was hushed because we were in public but each word still felt like a knife through my chest.

“I did it because I was angry. You and mum took away my phone and I just don’t understand why.”

“Because we’ve had enough. You need to stop with all this.”

“Why though? It isn’t hurting any-“

“Lance?” A tall male nurse called so I wasn’t able to finish what I was saying. I slumped my shoulders as I followed my dad into the small, box-sized room.

-

“I broke my hand,” Lance started, lifting up the arm with its cast on for Keith to look at. The other boy stared at it for a moment, eyebrows furrowed in sorrow. “My dad barely said anything the entire trip to the hospital and it was so awkward. I got a cool cast though.” Lance grinned but it seemed more forced than anything.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from punching the wall…” Keith murmured, diverting his gaze down to their feet. 

“It’s not your fault, is it? You couldn’t have done anything.”

“I should have…  _ been there _ . I should have calmed you down, Lance.”

“It’s fine, Keith, honestly. Don’t beat yourself up over something that’s my parents’ fault.”

Keith smiled ever so softly, reaching his arms out to wrap around Lance. He pulled him closer, allowing Lance to bury his head in Keith’s chest. He breathed in the other’s boy’s scent, closing his eyes and allowing himself to calm down.

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

The next day I was distant at school. I didn’t really talk to anybody but I clung to Keith for the duration of lunch. I basically sat on his lap with my good arm around him as if I was a koala clinging to a tree. I was actually taller than him so it was an awkward position but he didn’t seem to mind. No one commented on it, probably noticing that something was bothering me or they decided it wasn’t worth another argument. They had asked me about my hand when we met up and I just snapped at them to mind their own business. I know I was harsh but I was still infuriated with my parents.

I let them do all the talking which was an extremely rare occurrence. Usually I was the one rambling on and on about random things nobody cared about but, today, I was just silent. I stared off into space and vaguely listened to what everyone else had to say.

Someone started to speak but I obviously wasn’t paying much attention so Keith jabbed my side. I jumped a little and the person who had been speaking, Pidge, started over. “I know you two have noticed it too but, Lance, what’s bothering you? I’m actually worried. I’ve never seen you this quiet before and I don’t understand why you snapped at us when we asked about your arm. What happened to you?”

“Nothing happened and nothing’s wrong.” I murmured but Pidge sent me a ‘don’t give me that shit’ look. They were the master of it so I could recognise it instantaneously. “Okay so I came out to my parents.”

Keith’s hand rubbed my side. “I’m assuming it didn’t go well?” Hunk questioned and I let out a short sigh, deciding it was too obvious to avoid.

“They don’t want me to see Keith anymore,” I let out a harsh, dry chuckle. “They took away my phone and won’t let me go out. I was so angry with them that I decided to take on the bathroom wall. I lost the fight and broke my hand.”

“That’s bullshit. I totally understand why you punched the wall.” Pidge muttered, shaking their head in disbelief.“I know but I can’t do anything about it.”

“We’re always here for you, alright?” I nodded slowly because I knew that. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to get in touch with them when I didn’t have a phone and I was practically being held captive in my own home.

-

I stopped talking to my parents completely. All they got were nods or shakes of my head. No words. If my siblings noticed, they didn’t say anything. After dinner, I went straight upstairs to avoid any attempts of conversation and just paced around. I was just walking up and down the room with my mind racing so fast that I was running out of breath. I felt like I was going to puke, sob or scream. Maybe at the same time. I threaded my hands into my hair and pulled harshly at it, gritting my teeth as I did so.

All I wanted was to talk to Keith.

I couldn’t take it anymore. My parents clearly didn’t love me if they were treating me like I wasn’t any better than the dirt on their shoes. I was crying heavily, tears covering my cheeks as I inhaled and exhaled deeply. I needed to transfer my emotions onto something but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even vent to my friends.

“Come on,” I murmured over and over again, trying to convince myself that I could get through this on my own. I knew my siblings were just down the hall so I had to be quiet. I had to take a deep breath and stop crying. “It’s going to be okay...” Deep down, I did know that it would be okay but that didn’t stop the excessive panic on the surface.

I collapsed onto my bed and decided I was going to get my phone back tomorrow morning- even if it killed me.

-

I glanced at the door to ensure I was alone before pulling open all of my parents’ draws. The phone wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I got down onto my hands and knees and opened up the draws beneath their bed to find my phone sitting on top of an old photo album. I smiled, grabbing it, pushing the draw closed with my foot and heading back to my room. I plugged it into the charger and scrolled through the messages waiting for me. Keith had spammed me last night (coincidentally around the time I had my breakdown) and the messages brought a blush to my cheeks.

RedLion2000: I miss you and I know you won’t see this for a while but there’s something I need to tell you

RedLion2000: I love you, Lance

RedLion2000: You may think I’m wimping out by saying it first over text but text is important to us, isn’t it?

RedLion2000: Our friendship started over message

RedLion2000: So yeah, I love you

RedLion2000: Also I’d never say it in person because I’m too stubborn but I’m going to miss you like crazy after school

RedLion2000: I miss you now and I just saw you a few hours ago

RedLion2000: I should probably shut up now haha

RedLion2000: Bye Sharpshooter :)

He was so damn cute. I hugged my phone for one moment before getting up and shoving my phone into my bag before my parents could see it.

-

“You seem to be in a better mood today.” Keith mumbled into my ear. I was sat on his lap again but it was because I wanted to rather than needed to. He was warm and his arms wrapped around me made me feel safe. I smiled gently as he placed a light kiss just below my ear.

“I love you too.” I chose to reply and his face tinted red almost immediately. I grinned because I had just made Keith blush!

“You... saw that?”

“Yep. I stole my phone back this morning.”

“Ah, that explains the better mood.” Keith kissed me again- this time lower on my neck. I leant closer to him as a discreet invite to do it again.

Pidge started to make puking noises so both Keith and I turned to glare at them. Hunk was in hysterics, hitting his hand against the table whilst Pidge chuckled in between their fake gags. “You two are the most disgusting couple on the planet.”

“Aw thanks bestie.” I muttered, sticking my tongue out at them. They continued to laugh and, if you leaned over the table, you could see a minute tear dripping down their cheek.


	24. Chapter 24

A couple of weeks passed and it was rather uneventful. Somehow my parents were yet to notice my missing phone so I kept it stored in my backpack. They had no reason to go through my backpack so it was safe in there.

I was due to get my cast off which was exciting because my entire arm was numb beneath it. My broken arm was a large inconvenience but I had my friends to help me at school and I barely ever did anything that wasn’t watch TV at home anyway. I had to take a mini break from gaming but I filled the hole by watching Marco play his games.

My dad went with me and it was just as awkward as our first hospital visit. Once the cast was off, I finally felt free again.

-

I snapped a selfie where I was grinning with closed eyes and whilst I was holding up a peace sign. Keith responded within a few minutes with his own selfie. He was smiling softly and half his face was cut off. His caption was ‘ _your arm!_ ’

As much as I loved seeing Keith’s beautiful face, I opened up the chat feature so I didn’t have to keep taking photos.

-

Sharpshooter01: I’m so bored

RedLion2000: I’m sorry. Am I not entertaining enough?

Sharpshooter01: You’d be more entertaining if you were here ;)

RedLion2000: Do I want to know what that winky face means?

Sharpshooter01: Trust me you do

Sharpshooter01: ;)

RedLion2000: Lance stop insinuating dirty things

RedLion2000: Shiro is sitting next to me

Sharpshooter01: Do you want to know what I’d do to you if you were here

RedLion2000: No. Please no.

Sharpshooter01: I’d push you up against the wall, right? And I’d totally be feeling up your hair because that mullet is so goddamn sexy (who knew a mullet could be sexy)

Sharpshooter01: Then I’d lean right up to your ear so you can feel my warm breath against your beautiful face

Sharpshooter01: And I’d whisper, “I’m never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down”

RedLion2000: Lance, you’re an absolute nerd

Sharpshooter01: But you love me

RedLion2000: Yeah... Yeah I do

Sharpshooter01: What are you up to then?

RedLion2000: Trying to explain to Shiro why my face is bright red

Sharpshooter01: I guess you could say you are... Red

RedLion2000: OMG THAT WAS SO GOOD

Sharpshooter01: Thanks

Sharpshooter01: What are you telling Shiro though

Sharpshooter01: “My boyfriend has a serious way with words”

RedLion2000: “My boyfriend is an absolute nerd”

Sharpshooter01: “But he always manages to turn me on”

RedLion2000: Lance shut up

RedLion2000: What if he reads these messages

Sharpshooter01: I would laugh so hard omg

Sharpshooter01: Almost as hard as...

RedLion2000: I swear if you say what I think you are going to say

Sharpshooter01: You dirty boi

Sharpshooter01: I bet you can’t stop imagining me pushing you up against a wall like I said earlier

RedLion2000: WTH LANCE SHIRO SAW THAT AND ASKED WHAT YOU SAID

Sharpshooter01: Haha good

RedLion2000: I read it to him and he snorted

RedLion2000: I want to die

Sharpshooter01: Same

RedLion2000: Don’t joke about that

Sharpshooter01: Sorry Red and sorry Shiro for writing that horrible message

RedLion2000: He said it was good and he now approves of us

Sharpshooter01: Good

RedLion2000: Yep haha. What are you up to anyway?

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and my eyes widened. I frantically glanced around the room before deciding to shove my phone underneath my blanket. A few seconds later my mum appeared at the door. “You took it.” She simply muttered.

“Took what?” I said in response, attempting to act as casual as possible. I was just sat on top of my bed with head against the headboard and my good hand in my lap. I was sweating profusely because of how terrified I was but she was yet to notice. She didn’t look at all impressed with my response but sent me a sad smile as she sat down beside me. My eyes drifted to where my phone was hidden. If she reached out with her left hand and pat the cover, she’d have felt it.

“You know what I’m talking about, don’t play stupid. Your phone. Where is it?”

“I’m not going to tell you.”

“Then I’ll just look and I won’t stop until I find it.” She started to lift up all my pillows from where they were sitting behind me whilst I watched warily. She then picked up all of the crap on my desk and dropped it onto the floor until the table was bare. She looked under the bed and pulled out all of my draws but only found some old stuff and the odd stray sock.

“Stop!” I yelled and my mum listened, stopping to look at me with an expectant expression on her face. “Tell me how you taking away my phone will benefit me.”

“Lance, we’ve talked about this...”

“Tell me. It’s the least you can do.”

“It’s to stop you from talking to that boy-“

“His name’s Keith-“

“Keith. He has obviously put this idea in your head.”

“What- What if you met him again? As my boyfriend this time? Can I least try to show you how much I love him?” My mum let out a long sigh, eyes darting around the room (obviously still in search for my phone).

“If you give the phone back, I’ll talk to your father about it.”

“Promise?” She nodded so I grabbed the phone from beneath the blanket. I switched it on and took a short second to warn Keith I was about to disappear.

RedLion2000: Lance?

Sharpshooter01: Mum found out I took the phone need to give it back

RedLion2000: Okay. Stay safe.

Reluctantly, I placed the device into my mum’s open hand.

-

“I talked to your father and he decided that Keith can come over tomorrow. He can come home with you after school, as long as you both watch over Luis and Veronica.” My mum said and, as much as I wanted to roll my eyes, I held the urge back and just settled with a nod.

“Thanks.” I muttered, even though there wasn’t anything I needed to thank my mum for. All she and my dad had done was hurt me.


	25. Chapter 25

When I dragged Keith into my house, we were greeted by Veronica. She called us into the living room where she was doing a jigsaw puzzle. She hadn’t even finished the edges so there was no way I could even guess what it was meant to be. Luis was asleep upstairs so I knew he wasn’t about to bother me and Keith which was always good. I introduced Keith to my little sister and Veronica grinned at him, showing off her teeth... or lack of teeth. She had recently lost her front molars and it was adorable.

Keith wasn’t good with children and I could tell as soon as he awkwardly waved at the girl. He uncomfortably sat on the sofa and I had to hold back a laugh at how stiff he was. “Are you Lance’s boyfriend?” Veronica asked but it came out more as ‘boyfwiend’ because of her teeth.

Chuckling softly, he responded, “I am indeed.”

“Can you help me with my puzzle, Keith?” She actually said ‘Kweith’ but we were still able to deduct what she was saying. Keith awkwardly stood up and sat down beside Veronica, glancing at the puzzle pieces that were sat in the box. “Can you find the edges?”

“Sure...” Keith started to sift through the pieces whilst I watched with a tiny smile on my face. Keith’s movements were so stiff as he pulled out an edge piece and dropped it in front of Veronica.

-

“Have you come round before? I recognise you.” My dad instantaneously questioned as we sat around the dinner table. We never really had family dinners because there were so many of us so it was just Keith, my dad, my mum and I at the table. I seemed more uncomfortable than Keith because I was finding it impossible to sit still. I kept shifting in my seat and drumming stupid tunes on the top of the table. Because my parents were opposite us, Keith managed to sneak a hand onto my thigh without them noticing.

“Yeah. I’ve been here once or twice.” He responded, flashing his stunning smile. How my parents weren’t charmed right away I did not know. If I were them, I’d have melted into a puddle on the floor as soon as I saw his teeth.

“Why are you putting these false ideas into Lance’s head? He has been through enough as it is. He doesn’t need you... poisoning him too.” My dad was practically spitting the words out as if they were venom that was going to kill him if he didn’t get it out of his system quickly. I resisted a glare.

Keith looked taken aback for about a millisecond- maybe even less than that- before he composed himself. “No, I believe Lance figured out his sexuality before I came into his life.” I nodded to confirm his point. My dad didn’t look at all convinced and my mum’s hands were trembling violently around her cutlery.

“We’re meant to believe that? He didn’t mention it all and then you came along and suddenly he’s gay.”

“Bisexual actually.” I chipped in with a voice so shaky that the words were barely audible. My dad made a sharp ‘tut’ noise and I think something finally snapped inside Keith. His eyebrows furrowed and he got up onto his feet. He had dropped his cutlery and they made a loud clang noise against his plate. I winced and felt my face go bright red as I buried my head into my hands. As much as I loved Keith, I was petrified that he was about to make everything much worse.

“Keith...” I muttered, grabbing his arm to pull him back into his seat. He jolted his wrist back until my grip faltered.

“I was there for him when he was feeling low. You are his parents. You should be there for him and you shouldn’t be putting him down constantly like you do! He’s seventeen and he’s old enough to make his own decisions. If he says he’s bi, he’s bi, alright? You can’t change that so how about you grow up for five seconds and realise your son is still your son. Even if he has ADHD and is bisexual, he’s still your son. Literally nothing is going to change.” I didn’t dare look up from my hands because picturing my dad’s enraged face. I was almost certain he was going to murder either me or Keith after the conversation ended. “Stop being selfish and think about Lance. Everything you’ve said and done is tearing him apart. He punched a wall because of you. He knows who he is more than you do so just... let him be who he wants to be!” Keith sunk back down into his chair, breathing so heavily that I could see his chest rapidly rise and fall. I finally stole a glance at my parents to see they were staring at Keith in complete and utter shock.

“I can see that you... you love him,” My dad started. He sounded so uncertain which was peculiar for him. If anyone knew my dad, they knew he was the most ‘sure of himself’ person on the entire planet. In the entire universe even. If he had his mind made up, it was almost impossible to make him change it. “That was a very... passionate speech. I’m glad you care about his happiness so much.” He exchanged a short look with my mum which I couldn’t quite read. “So I think it might be okay for you to continue seeing each other.”

My mum sighed and, for a second, I was worried she was about to argue and my heart plummeted to the floor. “I agree... but if- if you ever hurt him...”

“I won’t. That’s a promise.” Keith grinned again; it was equally as charming as his first grin.

“Lance, you can have your phone back,” I mentally punched the air whilst somehow keeping a straight face. “And you can go out at weekends again but you need to be here after school so the others are looked after.”

“Thank you, mum.”

“No,” Keith spoke up again and I sent him a look that had the ability to murder somebody. He was about to ruin everything because he wouldn’t stop arguing. Surely me being allowed to get my phone back and go out was enough? There wasn’t much else to argue about. “He shouldn’t be thanking you. He deserves his phone back. If anything, I think you should be apologising to him for reacting so badly.”

“Keith, will you please shut up?” I whispered, poking his side harshly. He was right that they didn’t deserve gratitude but I didn’t want them to get angry again. I glanced at my parents but they didn’t appear to angry. Unless I had just forgotten how to properly read their facial expressions.

“We really are sorry. We were just afraid... we didn’t understand but we see that this boy makes you happy. We- We want you to be happy.” Never had I expected a sincere apology from my parents but, because of Keith, I had finally gotten one. I opened my mouth but soon closed it when I realised I was speechless. I didn’t know how to thank Keith for everything he had said. No words displayed just how grateful I was for him.

I smiled ever so slightly and it was actually kind of real.

-

Sharpshooter01: I’m back baby

RedLion2000: Never call me baby again please

Sharpshooter01: Don’t you love it?

Sharpshooter01: Doesn’t it make you... blush?

RedLion2000: No. It makes me want to puke.

Sharpshooter01: Well

Sharpshooter01: I try to be a good boyfriend

RedLion2000: Do you know what really makes me blush?

Sharpshooter01: Thinking about making out with your sexy boyfriend

RedLion2000: Yeah bois

Sharpshooter01: You totally just ruined the mood by saying bois

RedLion2000: Well

RedLion2000: Soz

Sharpshooter01: “How to turn Lance off in two words”

Sharpshooter01: “Boi”

Sharpshooter01: “Soz”

RedLion2000: Dang I thought it was actually going to go somewhere for once

Sharpshooter01: Did you want it to go somewhere?

RedLion2000: No but like

Sharpshooter01: You’re home alone and bored?

RedLion2000: Shut up obviously not

Sharpshooter01: The things I’d do to you if I was with you right now...

RedLion2000: I swear if you rick roll me again I’ll fight you

Sharpshooter01: You have so little faith in me I’m offended

Sharpshooter01: I’d kiss you softly at first, my hands wandering everywhere. They’d get lost in your hair whilst I continued kiss you, only pulling apart for a breath.

Sharpshooter01: I’d then push you down onto the bed so I was on top of you and I’d kiss your neck like it was going out of fashion or something. How do you feel about neck kisses, Red?

RedLion2000: I don’t know. They sound nice...

Sharpshooter01: Oh yeah? Whilst hovering over you, I’d pull your shirt over your head. Maybe I’d kiss your collarbone.

RedLion2000: Wait... would you top?

Sharpshooter01: Uh... duh?

RedLion2000: I don’t think so

Sharpshooter01: The hell is that supposed to mean?

RedLion2000: I think I would top

Sharpshooter01: No... I’m way more experienced than you

Sharpshooter01: Are you seriously going to ruin my dirty talk by arguing with me over who tops?

RedLion2000: Yes. I will top.

Sharpshooter01: I’ll believe it when it happens

RedLion2000: You want it to happen?

Sharpshooter01: Well I want to have sex with you but you will not top

RedLion2000: Please continue. What will happen after you take off my shirt?

Sharpshooter01: Okay, Red ;)

-

Sharpshooter01: Hey  
**Read 13:07pm**

Sharpshooter01: Red?  
**Read 13:08pm**

Sharpshooter01: Are you ignoring me?

Sharpshooter01: Did I go too far the last time we talked

Sharpshooter01: I’m sorry I thought you liked it and you didn’t tell me to stop?  
**Read 13:09pm**


	26. Chapter 26

YellowChefBoi: Yo Lance my dude

Sharpshooter01: What do you want?

YellowChefBoi: Well hello to you too best friend

Sharpshooter01: You good?

YellowChefBoi: Yeah you?

Sharpshooter01: Keith’s ignoring me :(((

YellowChefBoi: How dare he

YellowChefBoi: Anyways

YellowChefBoi: You need to meet me at the park at like five ish tonight

Sharpshooter01: Why

YellowChefBoi: Can’t I just want to meet up with my friend

Sharpshooter01: -.-

YellowChefBoi: It’s a surprise

Sharpshooter01: ...Okay? But I need to text my mum first to check it’s okay

YellowChefBoi: Dress nice boi

Sharpshooter01: Okay 

-

I didn’t really know what to expect when I walked towards the park at five o’clock. I was wearing a cute button-up and skinny jeans but I hadn’t bothered to try too much. It was only Hunk. The same Hunk who had worn jeans to prom. He wouldn’t have expected me to dress up as if I was going to a wedding. Hunk was standing in front of a tree with a wide grin on his face. “You alright?” I asked, noticing he was just in a jacket and jeans. Nothing fancy. I actually felt a little overdressed but I didn’t dwell on it as he stepped to the side to reveal a sticky note against the bark of the tree.

He didn’t say anything as I leaned forward to read the words, ‘ _go to the swings_ ’. It was kind of hard to make out, considering the writing was hardly legible. It looked sort of like Keith’s writing with his overly-loopy letters so why was Hunk standing there? I headed over the swings- as the note had instructed- anyway.

The field was wet and muddy so, by the time I made it to the children’s swings, my shoes were caked in brown. They were only Converse because I didn’t own anything fancy so I didn’t mind them getting dirty too much. On top of the seat of one of the swings was another sticky note. That one was green. ‘ _Go to town. Specifically Starbucks. Tell the person at the counter that your name is Sharpshooter_.’

I nodded to no one in particular before setting out in that direction. It only took about five minutes to get there which was good because the bottom of my trouser legs were beginning to get muddy too. The smell of coffee embraced me as I walked into the shop. I headed right to the counter where someone was standing. They had short, purple hair and a lip ring but looked friendly enough. “I was told to come here and say my name was Sharpshooter?” The rising intonation in my voice put across my uncertainty well.

The barista chuckled before pointing over to the part of the counter where drinks were usually collected. One cup was sat there and, when I got closer, I saw ‘Sharpshooter’ in capital letters and a neon yellow sticky note. ‘ _Go to my (Keith’s) house. Don’t worry about knocking. Nobody’s home._ ’

I couldn’t help but smile as I exited the shop and was hit with the cold air again. I speed-walked to Keith’s house which wasn’t too fat away. I was buzzing with excitement as I reached his road and got to his front door. I pushed it open and my eyes immediately laid upon a pink note stuck to a picture frame on the wall. ‘ _Go into the kitchen :)_ ’. I didn’t bother sipping at my drink as I entered the kitchen to see my loser boyfriend sat at one of the kitchen chairs. A candle was lit in the middle of the table, the flame dancing in the air, and two plates of food were laid out.

I was speechless as I sat down opposite Keith. “You like?” Keith asked, sounding nervous. I nodded rapidly, unable to form actual words because of how ecstatic I was. Keith had no reason to be nervous because it was all so amazing. I felt like a prince. I never really saw him as a cheesy person but I had to say I loved that side of him. “It’s just take out because I’m hopeless at cooking. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind.” I placed the Starbucks cup down on the table and both of us dug into the meal. 

“Is this why you were ignoring me?” I said with my mouth full of the food. Keith rolled his eyes at my lack of manners but nodded.

“I wanted to make it extra special and surprise you.” I blushed because Keith never failed to make me blush. It was simultaneously the most annoying and charming thing on the planet.

“Well you’re lucky my mum let me come out. I was so worried that she wasn’t going to let me.”

Maybe it was psychological but it was the best take out I had ever tasted. Keith and I chatted whilst eating it and the entire experience was just so pleasant. The atmosphere was calm and I couldn’t get my stupid, dazed smile to leave my face. Afterwards, he stood up and took both of my hands into his own, pulling me up to my feet too. “You have a choice now, alright Sharpshooter?” I nodded, scanning his face for any hints of what was coming next. “We can either watch a movie... or go to my room and chill.” The wink after he said ‘chill’ suggested that we wouldn’t be doing much chilling. A blush spread across my face and I glanced down at our feet to hide it.

He obviously wanted to see how flustered I was because he cupped my chin and tilted my head upwards to look at him. “Let- Let’s chill.” I ended up stumbling over the words like an actual idiot but he didn’t seem to care at all. My tongue traced my lips and Keith’s face broke out into the widest smile I had ever seen. 

He pulled me up the stairs and my heart was beating so loudly that it echoed around my head. I was surprised he couldn’t hear it. We had barely reached his bedroom before he pulled me into a long kiss, wrapping his arms around my neck. He pushed me down onto his bed as soon as he possibly could, his lips brushing my neck. Then he was properly kissing at the skin there and I couldn’t hold back my tiny whines. Every peck of his lips left an intense heat in my skin that I learnt to crave. I must have sounded so pathetic but I just wanted more: I was addicted to the heat. I wanted to touch him and run my hands through his soft hair and see his beautifully toned chest. His hands reached for the bottom of my shirt and he pulled it over my head.

He pressed his forehead against mine for a moment, both our breathing heavily. His forehead was much cooler than mine. “Do you want to do this?”

“Please.” It came out a broken gasp but Keith just smirked at me. I could feel a shiver run up my spine. Then he leaned forward and we were kissing again. I never ever wanted him to stop.

-

RedLion2000: Told you

Sharpshooter01: Fuck off

RedLion2000: :)

RedLion2000: You love me really

Sharpshooter01: Well duh! You literally set up an amazing date and it was like... one of the best nights of my life. Thank you.

RedLion2000: You’re welcome

Sharpshooter01: Keith I love you so much

Sharpshooter01: I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t messaged you. I’m so glad we met. So so glad.

RedLion2000: Me too. Life would be so shit without you.

Sharpshooter01: I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you

RedLion2000: I don’t think so. You’re stronger than you consider yourself to be.

Sharpshooter01: I’m really not

RedLion2000: Yes you are

RedLion2000: You’re amazing, beautiful and, most importantly, STRONG. You’ve made it this far and I’m so proud of you

Sharpshooter01: Stop being cheesy

RedLion2000: When did cheese become a crime?

Sharpshooter01: When you started to be cheesy

RedLion2000: Can I tell you a secret?

Sharpshooter01: Go ahead

RedLion2000: Before we met face to face, I saw you around school and thought you were kind of cute. I didn’t really know much about you but yeah... you seemed sweet.

Sharpshooter01: Really?

RedLion2000: Yes :)

Sharpshooter01: Then you’ll be over the moon to hear that I never even noticed you

RedLion2000: That’s love<3

Sharpshooter01: <3

I loved him. So much.

I laid back down on my bed with a stupidly wide grin on my face. My cheeks were tinted red as I stared up at my ceiling with glazed eyes. I actually felt happy for once.

I could hear Luis throwing a tantrum and my mum trying to calm him down but, when I closed my eyes, I could imagine the silence. I could picture Keith laying with me, talking about how much he loved and appreciated me. Needless to say, I fell asleep almost instantaneously.

-

I was in Keith’s kitchen with the boy himself. He was blasting music from his phone and we were dancing along like we were drunkards as we baked cupcakes. The song currently playing was by some rock band I had never heard of but Keith was happily singing along to the heavy music. He was mixing the butter and egg as he did so, swaying his hips and bobbing his head along, 

Whilst he was doing that, I measured out the flour and managed to get it all down my front. Once Keith noticed, he threw his head back and barked out a loud laugh. “Do you want to change out of that shirt?” He asked. The material that was once black was now a powder-y white. I nodded and he disappeared for a couple of minutes before returning with one of his shirts. He threw it at me and I caught it, blushing intensely.

“You want me to change here?” I squeaked and Keith laughed a second time.

“Duh. It’s only a shirt, Lance.” I nodded, pulling my dirty shirt over my head and replacing it with Keith’s as quickly as possible. Weirdly, it smelt like him. Even if it had been washed recently. 

“Hey, Keith?” I randomly blurt out after a couple of moments. He finished pouring the flour into the butter and egg mixture before pausing. He hummed to let me know he was paying attention to what I was saying. “I’m sorry to ruin this beautiful moment with my deep thoughts but you need to know this.”

He glanced up, dropping the wooden spoon into the bowl. His face had fallen slightly and started to fill with concern. I leant forward and brushed his fringe out of his beautiful eyes so I could see them properly.

“I hope you know how happy you make me...”

“Are you breaking up with me?” I just had to chuckle at his question. Why on earth would I break up with someone as perfect as him? If anything, he should have been breaking up with me.

“Of course not. Just... you know how bad of a place I was in before we met,” Keith nodded slowly and almost suspiciously. “I just feel like I’m someone to you. I- I’ve never felt important to anybody before but you make me feel like I matter, you know? I always felt like I was just a nobody and I’d either end up alone or dead on my bathroom floor,” Keith opened his mouth to say something but I shook my head to tell him to shut up until I had finished my emotional speech. The half-finished cake mixture was left abandoned as we both leant against the counter. “You basically give me a purpose; a- a reason to live. It’s like I need to get up in the morning to see you and make you happy. That probably sounds so stupid but yeah. I just- I love you so much. Until you, I didn’t see a point in anything. Now I see a point in like... everything,” I smiled and he smiled back. “Just don’t tell Hunk and Pidge they weren’t enough to give my life this amount of meaning.”

Keith laughed and I still thought his laugh was the most beautiful sound in the universe. It was like music to my ears. “I won’t.”

“I guess I just want to say thank you,” He moved closer to me and wrapped his arms loosely around my waist, pulling us together so our chests were touching. I secretly hoped he couldn’t hear my heart furiously pounding. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me since I vented to you in the beginning.”

“Stop,” He dragged out the ‘o’ like a whiny little kid. “You’re going to make me cry. I don’t want these cupcakes to be too salty because of my tears.” I bit my lip because there was so much more that I wanted to say. I wanted to tell Keith just how much he meant to me because he was my world; my universe. I never ever wanted to let him go.

“I love you, Red.” He pressed his soft lips against my own chapped ones and, when we pulled apart, I had that same fuzzy feeling I had had the first time we kissed.

“I love you too, Sharpshooter.”


End file.
